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Paramount Plus Is Ruining My Life, And It Is Time For Jeff Probst To Do Something About It

picture of paramount plus app on tablet
Pavlo Gonchar/SOPA Images/LightRocket via Getty Image

Hello, Jeff Probst!

I am writing to you today because I need you to fix Paramount Plus, the bane of my existence. Probably there is someone higher up the corporate structure who is both richer and more annoying than you that I should be addressing this letter to, but I choose to believe that you are a reasonable man who will listen to my struggles.

Here is the problem: Late last summer my colleague Patrick Redford encouraged me at a lovely dinner to begin watching Survivor. I had not watched the show since childhood, but I needed entertainment and there are not that many seasons of The Traitors to watch. Since then, I have watched so many seasons of "Surviv-ah," as you say. Maybe a dozen? Maybe more. Who is to say? And the only way to watch most of these seasons is through the Paramount Plus app.

The Paramount Plus app is one of the most garbage apps I have ever encountered. Its first problem is that it crashes, sometimes in the middle of an episode, but usually during the ad break. This means that you have to restart the episode and watch all the ads again. This is annoying. Usually, the app starts the episode over, so then you have to watch more ads to even get back to the place where you left off.

I watch Paramount Plus on a Playstation, but I have also tried watching it on my television and on the first-gen Amazon Fire Stick that I refuse to replace; your piece-of-shit app doesn't work on any of these! It won't even let me scroll through seasons. You can understand how hard that is for me, Jeff. I want to watch the old seasons, which are only available on Paramount Plus.

I have lived in this terrible purgatory for almost a year now. I have suffered, not quite in silence as I have whined so much, but at least in private. But this week, something happened that forced me to speak up.

Paramount Plus, as part of Hollywood's race to become one big monopoly with a bad app, acquired the Showtime app. This was bad for me, because it meant that I had to upgrade my Paramount Plus subscription in advance of my favorite show (Couples Therapy) returning from war at the end of this month. The new tier of Paramount Plus that I have is commercial-free! You might think, voila, that will solve your biggest problem! Wrong! You are so, so wrong, Jeff.

I upgraded my account, giving Paramount more of my hard-earned blogging dollars, and now the app doesn't work at all. It simply shows me an ad for an episode of RuPaul's Drag Race that I have already seen, and then gets stuck. Now I can't watch anything at all!

Please, Jeff Probst, be reasonable. I am not a contestant on Survivor. I am not prepared for these kinds of struggles. I am but one girl trying to watch television on her couch. Please help me.

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