Welcome to the Defector College Football Watch Guide, where Ray Ratto and Israel Daramola will tell you which of the weekend’s college football games are worth giving a crap about.
Ray: Forty-seven Division I coaches have already lost a game this year, which means that 47 coaches are on the hot seat, because that's the way it's always worked. And frankly, that's how it probably should work now that college football is trying to be like European soccer, jamming all the power into a few hands. For instance, Erik ten Hag was fired after three games at Bayer Leverkusen based on ... well, that's how soccer works. The question, of course, is whether Alabama can light up Kalen DeBoer's chair as quickly, because he made the tactical error of replacing a legend last year and failing to win a championship, and doubled down on it by losing the Tide's opening game by two scores for the first time since 1970. Losing to Florida State is probably the right result based on relative strengths and weaknesses, but Alabama understands only wins and wins that don't feel quite sufficient. Losing is ... well, that's something Auburn does. True, the opportunity to watch Paul Finebaum yank off his own head is not to be scoffed at, but after getting boatraced at Florida State, Alabama cannot win enough games by enough points to save DeBoer from the ire of a fan base that forgives nothing and forgets less. In other words, DeBoer cannot beat Louisiana Monroe on Saturday by enough touchdowns to regain the benefit of their doubts. And that's why college football is such mutant fun. That, and the knowledge that DeBoer's buyout is $70 million.
Israel: I genuinely think Mike Gundy is being paid by Newsmax or one of these conservative outlets to show up on television every few weeks and carp about kids getting paid or whatever, to distract from his middling record. No amount of crying about the sport's lost purity is going to make his team better, but maybe turning himself into a sun-dried influencer is his backup plan. But that’s college football, right? It is a sport dedicated to arguing and complaining. We also live in a time of conspiracy, and I can't think of any brains more susceptible to conspiracy theories than those of college sports people. Is NIL and pay-for-play the reason Oklahoma State stinks? Did Ryan Williams’s polished fingernails ruin the Alabama dynasty? Is Matt Patricia’s NFL brain too powerful for college quarterbacks? All sorts of wacky stuff like that.
But hey, maybe Gundy figures that if he yells loudly enough at the clouds, he can earn himself some media attention, giving the TV talking heads something to jabber about in between Bill Belichick segments. He won’t be the only media fave trying to claw their way back into a spotlight currently monopolized by Belichick and his boo. I can only imagine what Deion will think up to get some headlines back.
Let's get to the games.
Eastern Washington at Boise State — Friday, 9:00 p.m. ET on FS1
Marketing majors everywhere see the mistake here. This game is going to be played on Boise's famous blue turf, which is a tragic waste of Eastern Washington's famous red turf. How the first half of this game is not being played in Cheney tonight and the other half tomorrow in Boise is a crime against creativity. It's only a six-hour drive, and it would get both schools some notice that the sport's New World Order would not otherwise permit. It would also redefine the concept of home-and-home in a preposterously wonderful way. Both teams are coming off convincing losses (Eastern at Incarnate Word and Boise at South Florida) so there will be plenty of incentive, but what care us? We want the eye-searing fun of red and blue football, and if we can't get that, I guess we'll just pout our way through James Madison at Louisville. The game itself might be an examination of Boise’s odd place in the college football universe because EWU is a tough out anywhere, but you’d need to believe that four hours of glaucoma are worth the effort. — Ray
San Jose State at Texas — Saturday, 12:00 p.m. ET on ABC
What we said about Alabama also goes for Texas after their loss at Ohio State, even though the degree of difficulty was considerably greater. Arch Manning was ordinary in the opener, and by the rules of unfulfilled hype was therefore terrible, so this expected rout is now also going to be defined by style points. Manning cannot be 17-for-30 again and survive public scorn, so Steve Sarkisian will have to make a point of loading up the passing game more than simply worrying about winning. Sorry, but these have always been the rules, and Sark knows that. Otherwise, why would he have booked San Jose State for the home opener after such a high-risk game? Tradition? A secret archrivalry with Silicon Valley? A failed attempt to book Idaho State instead? No, this is a win that needs to be a beatdown, because Austin isn't that much different than Tuscaloosa when it comes to condemnation, and now that the nation is hooked into Manningpalooza, that accusatory finger points not only collectively but individually as well. — Ray
Iowa at Iowa State — Saturday, 12:00 p.m. ET on Fox
Iowa State beat Kansas State two weeks ago in "Farmageddon," an absolutely great nickname apparently hated enough by "influential people in the Big 12 Conference," if such things exist, that ESPN was asked not to use it in the broadcast and cited those "influential people" as the reason. Thus bringing us a rivalry game like "El Assico," so named by our lord and savior Spencer Hall. Iowa State has been funky-good for awhile now, which under normal circumstances would deliver a commensurate reward, but Iowa State is also Iowa State, which will be punished in years to come as not being big-namey enough. Thus, they should enjoy quarterback Rocco Becht while they can. In the meantime, the ISU students need to get cracking on nicknames for the rest of the schedule because in the absence of actual merit, brand recognition becomes its own reward. As for Iowa, its offense remains elite for 1973, before passing was considered a non-Communist form of drive preservation. Kirk Ferentz should coach forever. In fact, he has coached forever. That’s the beauty of him: You always know what Iowa is about because it is never not about that very thing. — Ray
Ole Miss at Kentucky – Saturday, 3:30 p.m. ET on ABC
Two programs that are good but should be better than they are every year. This is sure to be our first big SEC battle, full of goofy outcomes and dumb blunders. Austin Simmons has replaced Jaxson Dart, who had pretty big shoes to fill. Lane Kiffin makes for a great podcast guest but still hasn’t lived up to the hype he receives as a coordinator. Mark Stoops has been a Kentucky lifer, primarily because every couple years he’ll win way more games than you expect him to. Could this be that year? His team ran all over Toledo, which is not nothing, but they better hope it’s a sign of things to come, because I don’t think they want to leave this game to the arm of quarterback Zach Calzada. — Israel
Oregon at Oklahoma State — Saturday, 3:30 p.m. ET on CBS
This was not a thing until Mike Gundy started snotting about Dan Lanning's NIL-recruiting-and-piracy budget six days before the game. Oregon has had the Nike advantage for two decades now, while Oklahoma State had T. Boone Pickens for awhile, so this complaint feels mostly like Gundy prepping an excuse for losing a big game to a better team from the effete Pacific Northwest. To Lanning's credit, he did not deny that Oregon has money, and to his further credit he said the obvious truth that nobody without money has a chance to win. This is a universal truth, so it's not like Lanning gave us a new view of the landscaping around the brothel, but still, to be so matter-of-fact about it earns him points that he is not likely to need in Eugene on Saturday. Credit to Gundy, though—he has never been shy about walking that talk, even if it means stepping in the occasional pet deposit. Lanning seems like exactly the kind of guy who would run up a score just for snicks and giggles, and this looks like one such opportunity. If the Cowboys stay in it or even win, Gundy gets to talk for the rest of the year on any subject that does not involve politics. — Ray
Kansas at Missouri – Saturday, 3:30 p.m. ET on ESPN2
What a world we live in where I am suddenly intrigued by Kansas football. They’ve been entertaining to watch for a few years now, and whether they lose or win, it is going to be chaotic. And Missouri is like a walking tornado of a team, one that can look like the worst team in football one week and then beat a top-10 program the next. — Israel
South Florida at Florida – Saturday, 4:15 p.m. ET on the SEC Network
This is quietly the most intriguing game of the weekend. If there’s one team that surprised me in Week 1, it was USF. Not just because they beat a ranked but Ashton Jeanty–less Boise State, which you might expect as a potentiality, but rather because of how thoroughly they dismantled them. They looked tough and confident and capable in that one, and now they’re going into Gainesville to take on a Gators team that has underachieved throughout Billy Napier’s tenure. As usual, there are high hopes around Florida, even with the fact that they have one of the most difficult schedules in the FBS this season. DJ Lagway is arguably their biggest QB prospect since Anthony Richardson, and Jadan Baugh is expected to do some damage at running back. However—and maybe this is the Tallahassee in me—they're gonna have to prove that they’re not the same old Gators. Going up against a frisky USF team might just catch them off guard. It won’t be easy, and the chances of a Florida rout are definitely realistic, but if the game is close going into the fourth, things could get very interesting. — Israel
Michigan at Oklahoma – Saturday, 7:30 p.m. ET on ABC
We’re gonna learn a whole lot about both teams after this game, but really, this is a test for Michigan. As prolific as JJ McCarthy was, it’s been a minute since this program has had a quarterback with the upside of Bryce Underwood. He lit up the scoreboard against New Mexico, but now he’s facing a more solid defense, coached by Brent Venables, who should be desperate to show that he’s not just another specialist unable to do the big job at a big school. John Mateer also has the advantage over Underwood, as not only was he a notable transfer from a strong offensive system, but the architect of that system came along with him to Norman. Underwood has his work cut out for him. — Israel
Arizona State at Mississippi State – Saturday, 7:30 p.m. ET on ESPN2
The Sun Devils are ranked 12th, which suggests that the polls are going to be highly volatile at the playoff line all year, so this game will define how seriously we should take ASU. Beating Northern Arizona is exactly what you think it is, but winning at Starkville becomes a louder suggestion that they can be a real factor at that second (read: Non-SEC/Big Ten) tier of playoff contenders. Miss State got schooled last year using a three-man defensive front, particularly by ASU’s Cam Skattebo, but Skattebo is a pro now and the Bulldogs looked better employing it against Southern Miss a week ago. An eight-figure investment in both lines makes Mississippi State a more imposing team, but we will learn just how much here, at least for those who multiscreen the primetime games. — Ray
Stanford at BYU – Saturday, 10:15 p.m. ET on ESPN
I’m gonna be watching this game like Alex in A Clockwork Orange. — Israel
