Anyone with a shred of common sense could immediately tell that Kash Patel's trip to the Winter Olympics was a Batkid-style situation. Still, it is satisfying to have what was obvious to everyone confirmed by the FBI's own internal scheduling documents.
The New York Times got its hands on the official FBI schedule produced for Patel's long weekend in Italy, which confirmed that the FBI director spent the bulk of his time abroad fucking off and watching hockey. According to the document reviewed by the Times, Patel landed late in Rome on Thursday, Feb. 19. From there he went to dinner with Tilman Fertitta, a billionaire shithead who is the U.S. ambassador to Italy and the owner of the Houston Rockets.
On Friday, Patel had an hour-long meeting with Italy's domestic security agency, followed by snacks and drinks and several ceremonial events, after which he flew to Milan to watch the U.S. men's hockey team play Slovakia. The Times reports that Patel's Saturday schedule consisted of one 20-minute briefing, a half-hour tour of the Olympic joint security operations center, and a private lunch with an unidentified guest. The hours between 2:00 p.m. and 6:00 p.m. were booked for “personal time/cultural activities,” followed by a private dinner with unidentified companions.
Sunday's schedule was even more barren, listing only the gold medal hockey game at 7:00 p.m. and a flight back to the United States.
It's funny to imagine Patel doing all of this, eating his little snacks and cheering on the big strong hockey guys, while his PR flack, Ben Williamson, was busy stomping his feet and insisting that Patel's taxpayer-funded visit to Italy was full of very serious and important business. I wonder what Patel was up to while Williamson was desperately trying to circulate exculpatory photos of his boss posing with various bewildered Italians. Taking a nap? Carefully picking out his outfit for the gold medal game?
You can usually judge how bothersome a news story has become for a government official by the reaction it produces from their press stooge. Williamson has been having a defensive freakout about Patel's travel itinerary for about a week now, going so far as to tell the Times that the leaking of Patel's schedule was "a criminal act that jeopardizes security and will not be taken lightly." Yesterday he was experimenting with the JD Vance register of epic posting, responding to a Daily Beast story about Patel's schedule with, "Now we're speculating the time of eight official meetings compared to two hockey games—while somehow assuming that work only occurs while sitting in a meeting. These articles get dumber by the hour." Patel, meanwhile, has tried to move on from this story by firing 10 FBI agents who were previously involved in the investigation of Donald Trump's mishandling of classified documents.
Whereas Trump's first term in office was defined by his inner circle of bulbous and ruddy men constantly maneuvering against each other and getting fired, the second Trump administration has produced an even more nauseating type of government official: the vengeful influencer. Patel's only job is to jet around the country, make short-form video content, and settle scores that nobody outside of the right-wing podcast circuit knows or cares about. And Patel's not even close to being the most skilled administration official at carrying out these responsibilities. That honor belongs to DHS secretary Kristi Noem, who has spent her time in charge of the agency flying in a luxury jet with her advisor/maybe-boyfriend, making TikToks, and firing anyone who dares forget to retrieve her favorite blanky.
