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Godzilla is a huge dragon monster. But how huge? The most recent Godzilla to appear in a live-action movie stood approximately 120 meters, the tallest Godzilla in any live-action movie to date. This is pretty huge for a lizard.

But how huge is this Godzilla in absolute terms? To answer this question, let us compare Godzilla to the works of man. There is a cantilevered observation wheel that stands 135 meters. It is called the London Eye. The London Eye is the 55th tallest structure in London; it is not even the third-tallest active Ferris wheel in the world. Do not expect me to bow before a Godzilla that is shorter than several different Ferris wheels. A Godzilla that can be hidden behind any of a dozen different London banks is not nearly large enough. There are buildings in downtown Houston that are three times the height of this so-called king of the monsters. Imagine trying to work up much of an opinion about that lizard down there from the comfort of the 340-meter-high infinity pool on the roof deck of the Marina Bay Sands hotel in Singapore.

I'm a big scawy monstew!Screenshot via YouTube

The largest Godzilla ever depicted on screen was from the 2017 anime film Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters. This huge sucker emerges late in the story from beneath a mountain and goes fuckin' ballistic on the movie's pathetic humans, who are worn out from having defeated an even more pathetic 50-meter-tall baby Godzilla. A freaked-out scientist guy, in the moments before Godzilla absolutely kills the hell out of everyone, says that this Godzilla stands a more respectable 300 meters.

Anime Godzilla.
Almost tall enough to go on all the rides at Six Flags.Screenshot via Netflix

While I have no doubt that this largest of all Godzillas would wreak unimaginable devastation on the city of Topeka, Kansas, I have serious doubts about this Godzilla's ability to thrive in a modern metropolis. Consider: The tallest building in Shanghai, Shanghai Tower, is 632 meters tall. The Burj Khalifa, in Dubai, is 828 meters tall. What could this Godzilla do but hop embarrassingly around the bottom of these buildings? A Godzilla that has to resort to breathing upward at you as you take in the scenery from the top of One World Trade Center is simply not large enough. I am absolutely giving this Godzilla a "too small" as I calmly do the Ferris Bueller thing from the observation deck of the Willis Tower.

Don't even get me started on the pathetic swimming Godzilla from a clip of the upcoming Godzilla Minus One. A Godzilla that would even notice a naval mine rolling around in its mouth is basically a shark. I have nothing but contempt for this puny Godzilla:

I have done the calculations on this and it is my opinion that humankind should not worry at all about any Godzilla that is less than 600 meters in height. A Godzilla that is dwarfed by any human construction is no Godzilla at all. More of a Dogzilla.

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