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Defector

Ray Ratto

ALLEN PARK, MICHIGAN - JULY 28: Detroit Lions head football coach Dan Campbell speaks with the media before the Detroit Lions Training Camp on July 28, 2021 in Allen Park, Michigan. (Photo by Nic Antaya/Getty Images)

Dan Campbell Sees No Turds

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ - SEPTEMBER 03: Quarterback Josh Johnson #8 of the New York Jets warms up before a pre-season game against the Philadelphia Eagles at MetLife Stadium on September 3, 2015 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Rich Schultz /Getty Images)

Josh Johnson Will Hold The Clipboard But Never Drop The Dream

PORTLAND, OREGON - JANUARY 05: Otto Porter Jr. #22 of the Chicago Bulls reacts from the bench before the game against the Portland Trail Blazers at Moda Center on January 05, 2021 in Portland, Oregon. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Steph Chambers/Getty Images)

NBA Free Agency Recap: Otto

GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN - JANUARY 16: Aaron Rodgers #12 of the Green Bay Packers reacts before the NFC Divisional Playoff game against the Los Angeles Rams at Lambeau Field on January 16, 2021 in Green Bay, Wisconsin. (Photo by Dylan Buell/Getty Images)

Aaron Rodgers Gets To Do This All Over Again Next Year

SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS - DECEMBER 29: DeMarvion Overshown #0 and D'Shawn Jamison #5 of the Texas Longhorns react after a turnover in the fourth quarter against the Colorado Buffaloes during the Valero Alamo Bowl at the Alamodome on December 29, 2020 in San Antonio, Texas. (Photo by Tim Warner/Getty Images)

College Football

There’s Room In The Future For A Big Fat SEC And Not Much Else

OAKLAND, CALIFORNIA - JULY 25: A general view of the Oakland Athletics playing against the Los Angeles Angels in an empty stadium at Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum on July 25, 2020 in Oakland, California. The 2020 season had been postponed since March due to the COVID-19 pandemic. (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)

The A’s Get No Respect In Oakland, And Deserve None Either

MILWAUKEE, WISCONSIN - JULY 20: Head coach Mike Budenholzer of the Milwaukee Bucks celebrates after defeating the Phoenix Suns in Game Six to win the 2021 NBA Finals at Fiserv Forum on July 20, 2021 in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Justin Casterline/Getty Images)

Mike Budenholzer Did What He Had To Do

Olympics

It Might Just Not Be Our Quadrennial

Golf

A Big Day For Bellyachers

SUN VALLEY, IDAHO - JULY 08: Major League Baseball Commissioner Rob Manfred walks to a session at the Allen &amp; Company Sun Valley Conference on July 08, 2021 in Sun Valley, Idaho. After a year hiatus due to the COVID-19 pandemic, the world’s most wealthy and powerful businesspeople from the media, finance, and technology worlds will converge at the Sun Valley Resort for the exclusive week-long conference. (Photo by Kevin Dietsch/Getty Images)

Rob Manfred Throws Fans Some Crumbs From The Table

LOS ANGELES, CA - JULY 11: Josh Rojas #10 of the Arizona Diamondbacks reacts to second base umpire Brian O'Nora #7 after he was called out trying to steal second base against the Los Angeles Dodgers during the first inning at Dodger Stadium on July 11, 2021 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images)

The Diamondbacks Might Be Bad Enough To Deserve Your Awe

The Senators And Pierre McGuire Deserve Each Other

Players of Italy celebrate following their team's victory in the penalty shoot out after the UEFA Euro 2020 Championship Semi-final match between Italy and Spain at Wembley Stadium on July 06, 2021 in London, England.

Soccer

[WILD GESTURING AND SCREAMING IN ITALIAN]

ANAHEIM, CALIFORNIA - JULY 05: Shohei Ohtani #17 of the Los Angeles Angels waves after advancing to second base against the Boston Red Sox in the fifth inning at Angel Stadium of Anaheim on July 05, 2021 in Anaheim, California. (Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

I Have Done It, I Have Fixed The All-Star Game

MILWAUKEE, WISCONSIN - JUNE 25: Head coach Mike Budenholzer of the Milwaukee Bucks draws up a play during a huddle during the second half in game two of the Eastern Conference Finals against the Atlanta Hawks at Fiserv Forum on June 25, 2021 in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Patrick McDermott/Getty Images)

Congrats To Mike Budenholzer On Not Being Fired

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - JUNE 30: Patrick Beverley #21 of the LA Clippers reacts to the crowd after a Phoenix Suns foul during the first half in Game Six of the Western Conference Finals at Staples Center on June 30, 2021 in Los Angeles, California. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Harry How/Getty Images)

Is That All There Is?

You Can Always Rely On Soccer’s Coaching Carousel To Produce Humiliations And Threats Of Violence

MONTREAL, QC - JANUARY 02: Goaltender Andrei Vasilevskiy #88 of the Tampa Bay Lightning watches the puck against the Montreal Canadiens during the third period at the Bell Centre on January 2, 2020 in Montreal, Canada. The Tampa Bay Lightning defeated the Montreal Canadiens 2-1. (Photo by Minas Panagiotakis/Getty Images)

Your Stanley Cup Rooting Interest Is A Measure Of Your Generosity

PHILADELPHIA, PA - JUNE 22: Pitcher Max Scherzer #31 of the Washington Nationals takes off his belt after throwing his cap and glove down as umpires ask to search him for sticky substances during the fourth inning of a game against the Philadelphia Phillies at Citizens Bank Park on June 22, 2021 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Rich Schultz/Getty Images)

We Can Make Gunk Inspections Even Weirder. We Must.

BUFFALO, NEW YORK - JUNE 16: Gerrit Cole #45 of the New York Yankees rubs the ball between pitches during the second inning against the Toronto Blue Jays at Sahlen Field on June 16, 2021 in Buffalo, New York. (Photo by Joshua Bessex/Getty Images)

Bring On The Sticky-Stuff Anarchy

PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA - JUNE 20: Ben Simmons #25 of the Philadelphia 76ers bumps into fans during the fourth quarter during Game Seven of the Eastern Conference Semifinals against the Atlanta Hawks at Wells Fargo Center on June 20, 2021 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Tim Nwachukwu/Getty Images)

Who Wants Ben Simmons?

Damn You, Defector, For Forcing Me To Rewatch ‘Taskmaster’ Out Of Envy And Cussedness

Giannis Antetokounmpo #34 and Thanasis Antetokounmpo #43 of the Milwaukee Bucks celebrate the win of game seven of the Eastern Conference second round at Barclays Center on June 19, 2021 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. The Milwaukee Bucks defeated the Brooklyn Nets 115-111 in overtime to win the series.

Defensive Heroics Made For A Wild Night In The NBA And NHL Playoffs

SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA - JUNE 15: Mike Yastrzemski #5, LaMonte Wade Jr #31 and Brandon Belt #9 of the San Francisco Giants celebrates after Yastrzemski hit a grand slam home run to put the Giants ahead of the Arizona Diamondbacks 9-8 in the bottom of the eighth inning at Oracle Park on June 15, 2021 in San Francisco, California. The Giants won the game 9-8. (Photo by Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images)