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Defector

Barry Petchesky

Mario Bros figure is seen in a Nintendo store in New York City, United States on October 22, 2022. (Photo by Jakub Porzycki/NurPhoto)

Video Games

Mario Power-Ups, Ranked

BUFFALO, NY - OCTOBER 31: Tage Thompson #72 of the Buffalo Sabres celebrates his hat trick goal with Rasmus Dahlin #26 during an NHL game against the Detroit Red Wings on October 31, 2022 at KeyBank Center in Buffalo, New York. Buffalo won, 8-3. (Photo by Bill Wippert/NHLI via Getty Images)

The Sabres Might Have Something Here

SAN JOSE, CA - OCTOBER 25:Vegas Golden Knights center Phil Kessel (8) goes after the puck against San Jose Sharks defenseman Erik Karlsson (65) while playing in his 990th consecutive game in the match between the Vegas Golden Knights and the San Jose Sharks on Tuesday, October 25, 2022 at the SAP Center in San Jose, California. (Photo by Douglas Stringer/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

Phil Kessel Is Iron Man

FOXBOROUGH, MASSACHUSETTS - OCTOBER 24: Head coach Bill Belichick of the New England Patriots reacts during the first half against the Chicago Bears at Gillette Stadium on October 24, 2022 in Foxborough, Massachusetts. (Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images)

Bill Belichick Really Brain Genius’d That One

Maitreyi Anantharaman

CLEVELAND, OH - OCTOBER 15: Steven Kwan #38 and Amed Rosario #1 of the Cleveland Guardians react after scoring in the ninth inning to win the game against the New York Yankees at Progressive Field on Saturday, October 15, 2022 in Cleveland, Ohio. (Photo by Mary DeCicco/MLB Photos via Getty Images)

Two Fans Victimized By The Cleveland Goddamned Guardians Work Through Their Feelings

HOUSTON, TEXAS - SEPTEMBER 23: Executive vice president of football operations Jack Easterby of the Houston Texans walks on the field before the game against the Carolina Panthers at NRG Stadium on September 23, 2021 in Houston, Texas. (Photo by Tim Warner/Getty Images)

Jack Easterby Could Only Fool People For So Long

The Rangers Need Their Kids To Be All Right

during a preseason game at Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum on August 25, 2018 in Los Angeles, California.

Texans’ Deshaun Watson Jersey Trade-In Is Great News For Brandon Weeden Superfans

LONDON, ENGLAND - OCTOBER 09: Aaron Rodgers of Green Bay Packers looks on during the NFL match between New York Giants and Green Bay Packers at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium on October 9, 2022 in London, England. (Photo by Vincent Mignott/DeFodi Images via Getty Images)

Aaron Rodgers: Do Not Even Speak To Me Of The Possibility Of Losing To The New York Jets


<p class="wp-block-paragraph">charismatic megafauna (they/them)</p>


Sabrina Imbler

Laura Wagner

Animals

We Saw A Bear

ARLINGTON, TX - OCTOBER 04: Aaron Judge #99 of the New York Yankees runs the bases after hitting his 62nd home run in the first inning breaking the American League home run record during the game between the New York Yankees and the Texas Rangers at Globe Life Field on Tuesday, October 4, 2022 in Arlington, Texas. (Photo by Cooper Neill/MLB Photos via Getty Images)

Who Cares If 62 Isn’t A Real Record?

CINCINNATI, OHIO - SEPTEMBER 29: Medical staff tend to quarterback Tua Tagovailoa #1 of the Miami Dolphins after an injury during the 2nd quarter of the game against the Cincinnati Bengals at Paycor Stadium on September 29, 2022 in Cincinnati, Ohio. (Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images)

What Happened To Tua Tagovailoa Was No Surprise To Anyone Paying Attention

MIAMI GARDENS, FL - SEPTEMBER 25: Miami Dolphins quarterback Tua Tagovailoa (1) walks off the field with trainers following a play during the game between the Buffalo Bills and the Miami Dolphins on September 25, 2022 at Hard Rock Stadium in Miami Gardens, Fl. (Photo by David Rosenblum/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

I Know What I Saw, Man

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - SEPTEMBER 22: Aaron Judge #99 of the New York Yankees reacts after flying out to center during the ninth inning against the Boston Red Sox at Yankee Stadium on September 22, 2022 in the Bronx borough of New York City. The Yankees won 5-4. (Photo by Sarah Stier/Getty Images)

We All Got Owned By The Camera Guy

NEW YORK, NY - MARCH 02: K'Andre Miller #79 and Alexis Lafreniere #13 of the New York Rangers celebrate after a 5-3 win against the St Louis Blues at Madison Square Garden on March 2, 2022 in New York City. (Photo by Jared Silber/NHLI via Getty Images)

The Rangers May No Longer Lead The League In Friendship

NEW YORK, NY - SEPTEMBER 20: A general view as Aaron Judge #99 of the New York Yankees bats in the sixth inning during the game between the Pittsburgh Pirates and the New York Yankees at Yankee Stadium on Tuesday, September 20, 2022 in New York, New York. (Photo by Daniel Shirey/MLB Photos via Getty Images)

The Chase Is The Thing

BALTIMORE, MD - AUGUST 07, 2022: Ke'Bryan Hayes #13 of the Pittsburgh Pirates in the field during the fourth inning against the Baltimore Orioles at Oriole Park at Camden Yards on August 7, 2022 in Baltimore, Maryland. (Photo by Chris Bernacchi/Diamond Images via Getty Images)

The Sunflower Seed Incident Has Been Addressed

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON - SEPTEMBER 12: Head coach Pete Carroll of the Seattle Seahawks looks on before a game against the Denver Broncos at Lumen Field on September 12, 2022 in Seattle, Washington. (Photo by Jane Gershovich/Getty Images)

Pete Carroll Says It’s “Possible” That Seahawks, Staff Of Defector Dot Com Both Go 17-0

FOXBOROUGH, MASSACHUSETTS - AUGUST 11: Head coach Brian Daboll of the New York Giants looks on ahead of the the preseason game between the New York Giants and the New England Patriots at Gillette Stadium on August 11, 2022 in Foxborough, Massachusetts. (Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images)

The Giants Might Actually Be Watchable

Show Us Your Fantasy Football Team

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - SEPTEMBER 05: Aaron Judge #99 of the New York Yankees doubles in the first inning against the Minnesota Twins at Yankee Stadium on September 05, 2022 in the Bronx borough of New York City. (Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)

Aaron Judge Is Carrying The Juiceless Yankees

during Opening Day at Yankee Stadium on April 5, 2016 in New York City.

The MLB Schedule Release Respects My Time And Lack Of Interest

Defector Up All Night

How To Not Die On The Giant Slide In Belle Isle

JAKARTA, INDONESIA: Indonesian boys swim on a river to catch ducks as part of game show in Jakarta, 17 August 2006, to celebrate country's 61st independence day anniversary. Outside a house in central Jakarta on the morning of August 17, 1945, a small group of nationalists gathered for a simple ceremony to declare independence for the remains of the former Dutch East Indies empire and Indonesia was born. After three centuries of Dutch colonial rule and three years of Japanese occupation, the world's largest archipelago had been declared one nation, although it was another four years before the Dutch abandoned their attempts to retake their former possession and recognised Indonesia. AFP PHOTO/Bay ISMOYO (Photo credit should read BAY ISMOYO/AFP via Getty Images)

The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is A Duck Winning “Find The Duck”

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - AUGUST 16: Gleyber Torres #25 and Miguel Andujar #41 of the New York Yankees look on from the dugout during the first inning against the Tampa Bay Rays at Yankee Stadium on August 16, 2022 in the Bronx borough of New York City. (Photo by Sarah Stier/Getty Images)