I am going to ask of you a level of intimacy and trust I would not afford even to a lover, or to my own child: I am going to ask you to watch a 10-minute video online.
Wait! I promise. I promise you will not regret it. I promise you will come to love … Boat.
Via reader Carson, via Kottke.org, this is a 2013 timelapse video of a sturdy little craft navigating the waterways of Holland, from Rotterdam to Amsterdam, captured from 30 meters above. It is available in glorious 4K, and you should watch it in 4K, and at full-screen. At first you may not understand. But very quickly you will fall under the spell of Boat. Some commentary is below.
0:20 The music is nice and the scenery is pleasant, but you are probably not hooked yet. I get it.
0:49 It is very polite how all the bridges get out of the boat’s way.
1:19 Ah, the countryside is lovely. This is lovely. I wish I were Boat.
2:03 A short pause as the boat must wait for morning rush hour car traffic to pass and two bridges to lift. Hey, Boat has places to be too! Toot toot!
2:31 Boat kindly gets out of the way of a giant container ship, which pauses at a bridge, which then SLIDES UPWARD. I gasped.
3:26 I would pay money for a video game where I could pilot this little boat around the canals?
3:59 I think I never realized just how many different ways there are for a bridge to get out of the way of a boat.
4:07 The boat, a conscientious boat, yields at a four-way stop.
5:08 The boat exits a narrow waterway and enters a larger lake, and I am elated. You’re free, Boat!
6:00 Realizing I would die for this boat, if asked.
6:36 I do not like when Boat is bullied by smaller, faster boats.
7:10 Boat stops to wait its turn at a bridge.
7:46 The tall buildings of Amsterdam are visible in the distance. Boat ties up ahead of a bridge to wait, again.
7:52 Boat drifts out of frame?
8:00 Dusk is falling. Where is Boat?
8:23 HOLY SHIT IT’S NIGHTBOAT
9:19 Nightboat is in the city and he’s lit up like a Christmas tree and I love him
10:25 Watch out for that big cargo ship, Nightboat!
10:32 Clapping and cheering and crying for Nightboat like it’s the part in Avengers: Endgame when they come through the portals.
This has been a day in the life of Boat.