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This Is So Stupid

Oh Wow, Look At That, John Wall Is Out Here Making History

John Wall clutches his dick and balls on the floor of Rockets arena
Carmen Mandato/Getty Images

Well now, would you look at this. While the disgusting Washington Wizards were blowing a five-point lead in the final 45 seconds of last night’s game against the Boston Celtics, their former franchise player, John Wall, was only etching his name into the freaking history books in Houston.

Since 1985! No starting NBA player has accomplished this in freaking 36 years. Incredible. Only seven active players were even alive the last time anybody pulled this off.

Did any members of the shameful Washington Wizards literally make history last night? I don’t think so! Russell Westbrook, for whom the Wizards swapped Wall back in December, recorded 24 points, 11 rebounds, and four assists against the Celtics; that is a stat-line that happens probably a dozen times per week around the NBA. Pathetic! Where is the originality? Where is the vision and courage to venture forth into the unknown?

That wasn’t even the only flag John Wall and his teammates planted in immortality’s face last night alone. Houston lost to the Memphis Grizzlies, 133-84; the 49-point margin was the largest in a home loss by the Rockets in 35 years. It was their 11th straight loss; nobody has lost (or won!) more games in a row than that this season.

The Rockets host the Cleveland Cavaliers tonight. Greatness awaits.