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Life's Rich Pageant

Lunatic Sports Radio Caller Detects Bidenesque “Fraudulent Corruption” In Carlos Correa Deal

New York Mets mascot Mr Met
Rich Graessle/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images|

Could this be Hunter Biden in disguise?

Superstar shortstop Carlos Correa agreed to a new contract with the New York Mets Wednesday morning. This was an unusual bit of business, and not only because it was an unambiguously good thing happening for the New York Mets: Correa had agreed to a historic 13-year, $350 million contract with the San Francisco Giants last week, making this the second time this winter that the Giants have had a superstar free agent seemingly yanked from their grasp by a New York team. Instead of a decade of Correa and Aaron Judge, the Giants will be led into the future by, I don't know, Mitch Haniger? Who the hell knows.

Turns out the circumstances of Correa's swerve, once laid out, aren't all that dramatic: Correa's agent, Scott Boras, told Ken Rosenthal of The Athletic Wednesday morning that San Francisco's front office "had questions" about the results of a physical performed on Correa and did not meet a deadline to execute the agreement, and so Boras quickly reached an agreement with the Mets on a somewhat-less-historic 12-year, $315 million contract, that will pay Correa through his age-39 season.

This is awkward and uncommon, yes, but is hardly controversial, let alone suspicious. Try explaining that to Dan in Carteret, who called the Boomer & Gio show on WFAN Wednesday morning to say that Correa's overnight agreement with the Mets is "fishy" and "some type of fraudulent corruption deal," which of course he likens immediately to "Joe Biden, uh, being behind in certain states and in the middle of the night he takes the lead." Dan has not yet figured out exactly what mechanism Mets owner Steve Cohen used to defraud the Giants, but he has for sure noticed that Cohen "hasn't tweeted anything since November 9," which clearly indicates that a conspiracy is afoot.

Is Dan in Carteret a Yankees fan driven out of his mind by the crosstown rivals spending lavishly to pursue a trip to the World Series? Or is he merely a dead-end right-winger looking for any flimsy excuse to spout election-denier bullcrap in a public forum? Or is he in fact onto something? Just remember Dan's warning six months from now, as your Scorecard shows the suspiciously deep Mets laying the Hammer to the good and honest Yankees.

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