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Life Lessons

It Happened To Me: I Thought I Bought People Treats But They Were Dog Treats

BIRMINGHAM, ENGLAND - MARCH 06: A Boxer dog looks out from its kennel on first day of Crufts dog show at the NEC on March 6, 2014 in Birmingham, England. Said to be the largest show of its kind in the world, the annual four-day event, features thousands of dogs, with competitors travelling from countries across the globe to take part. Crufts, which was first held in 1891 and sees thousands of dogs vie for the coveted title of 'Best in Show'. (Photo by Matt Cardy/Getty Images)
Matt Cardy/Getty Images

Imagine this scenario: You are at Trader Joe's, a supermarket known for its treats, and also for constantly releasing new kinds of treats. When they release new treats at my local Trader Joe's, they often put them in a specific display near the entrance, so that when you enter you go Ooooh new treats! You are always excited to see what the new treats are. Now imagine in this scenario, you walk in on a Thursday morning and you look at the new treats and among the new treats is what you see below. How do you react?

Because you are normal, you see the words "dog treats" and the multiple drawings of dogs and you think Oh that's cute, maybe I'll get that for my dog.

But let me give you this scenario: You do not own a dog. Most likely, you see the treats and quickly move on to look at the people treats, because dog treats are for dogs and people treats are for people.

Let me hit you with one final scenario. In this scenario you have your headphones on, and you are also thinking about a feature you're in the middle of editing, and you are very very hungry and maybe not thinking straight, and also you are extremely stupid. In this scenario, you grab the treats without thinking or examining the packaging too closely, and you do the rest of your shopping, and you pay for your groceries including the treats, and you walk home, and you put your groceries away, and when you go to put the treats in the cabinet that holds similar dry, unrefrigerated treats (granola bars, fig bars, things of that nature) you only notice that there are dog drawings on the packaging, and that it says "dog treats." In this scenario, you have purchased dog treats for yourself. In this scenario you are me.

In this scenario, you are embarrassed and even a little ashamed at yourself for failing to miss the pretty obvious warning signs that these were dog treats, like the dogs and the words "dog treats." But! But. You have explanations for your actions. You were hungry, and the sweet potato chips—chunks? Slices?—looked quite good. A tasty food, for humans. You are also defensive. Anyone could have missed those words, in that size font, you think. Then you realize you are dangerously close to sounding like Dog Shampoo Guy. Oh god.

In this totally hypothetical scenario, you try to salvage something of this debacle by writing a blog about it. You text a neighbor to ask if they want the treats for their dog, and they do, so the treats will not go to waste. But the neighbor is not home yet so the treats remain on your counter. Even knowing what you now know, you still think they look pretty tasty. You wonder, very seriously, how tasty they might be. In this scenario.

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