It is not difficult to find praise for Nellie Bowles, who writes a weekly column for The Free Press, a website owned by her wife, Bari Weiss. "If you don’t read Nellie Bowles every Friday, you are leading a sad, barren, and empty existence," says Free Press columnist Niall Ferguson. Conservative writer Caitlin Flanagan says that Bowles's columns "have the exact spirit of the 70's writers whom I adored and who were so damn funny—and also deeply in the know." Free Press columnist Joe Nocera wrote that "everything she does is funny and wise," in response to a tweet from John Podhoretz about how Bowles has "the soul of Borscht Belt comic deep within her." Bowles has recently been described by Weiss as "the lovechild of Tom Wolfe and Joan Didion" and "the funniest writer in America."
A writer of such skill and observational talents will find no shortage of opportunities to fashion piercing, hilarious, and illuminating prose from the current political and cultural situation. With that in mind, let's see what Bowles has to say about the United States' war with Iran, a topic she grappled with on Friday:
→ Trump at war: We’re officially bombing Iran. And Iran is bombing, well, everyone they can. They’ve reportedly lobbed missiles, drones, and deck chairs at the United Arab Emirates, Qatar, Kuwait, Bahrain, Oman, Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Iraq, Azerbaijan, and Turkey as well as Israel, its number-one bombing love. But it’s been a pretty dismal showing. We’re very much and clearly winning. Like, really, really easily. Here’s Trump on the war timeline: “We also projected four weeks to terminate the military leadership, and as you know, that was done in about an hour so we’re ahead of schedule there.” And here’s Trump on who should become Iran’s new leader: “Well, most of the people we had in mind are dead. . . we had some in mind from that group that is dead. And now we have another group. They may be dead also, based on reports.” And they should stop picking one among themselves: “They are wasting their time. Khamenei’s son is a lightweight. I have to be involved in the appointment, like with Delcy [Rodríguez] in Venezuela.” It will be done in ancestral Trump fashion, via swimsuit competition in an indoor/outdoor pavilion at a resort. In other war news, a U.S. submarine sank an enemy ship by torpedo for the first time since World War II. Welcome back to water warfare, baby! There’s unbelievable footage of a fighter pilot shot down over Kuwait, in a bright and cheery mood as locals approach her there in that dust bowl. They thank her for what she’s doing, and offer her help (thank goodness she didn’t land in Minneapolis).
Huh. I have to admit I'm not detecting much influence from Didion, Wolfe, or the Borscht Belt in "Welcome back to water warfare, baby!" That one must have come from an even greater influence. Maybe Mark Twain?
Anyway, the answer is yes: Nellie Bowles is the worst writer in America.
