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If You Don’t Come Back To 10,000 B.C. With Me, Your Family Can’t Go Home

Screenshot: NBC

Did you hear what everyone’s saying? They’re saying: “If you don’t come back to 10,000 B.C. with me, your family can’t go home.”

There’s no arguing with it, because it is true! If you don’t come back to 10,000 B.C. with me, your family can’t go home! I know because I heard it at least 10 times during the commercial breaks for Sunday Night Football. If you don’t come back to 10,000 B.C. with me, your family can’t go home, she says. Does she sound like someone you can afford not to believe?

This urgent message is contained in a commercial for the NBC hour-long drama La Brea, which somehow made it to a second season. It is only 15 seconds long, but there’s no denying what it means: If you don’t come back to 10,000 B.C. with me, your family can’t go home. There are other messages contained within this footage, but they are clearly less important.

“In 48 hours, all of this will be underwater.”

“So what’s the plan?”

“Stop the sinkholes, and destroy the portal for good.”

All boring.

“If you don’t come back to 10,000 B.C. with me, your family can’t go home.”

My god.

Based on my immense knowledge (seeing this commercial 400 times and saying “If you don’t come back to 10,000 B.C. with me, your family can’t go home” every 10 minutes for the last 12 hours), I know a few things. The big one is this: If you don’t come back to 10,000 B.C. with me, your family can’t go home.

Speaking of my family: Where is your family? Are they in 10,000 B.C., and must we go to retrieve them? Are they in the sinkhole with us, and we’re trying to get them out? Are they outside the sinkhole, and need to get into the sinkhole, where their home is? Are they in danger of the water? Are they trapped inside the portal? What are we even going to do in 10,000 B.C.?

There is a lot still left to ponder, but we’ll have time for that later. For now let’s just agree that if you don’t come back to 10,000 B.C. with me, your family can’t go home.