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This Is So Stupid

Defector Staffers Did Not Eat Hallway Food

Photo: Anonymous|

Members of the Defector staff eat hours-old Thai food that is clearly placed on tables.

Wednesday night at 11:35 p.m. ET, a Defector staffer uploaded the photo you see above to the work chatroom, accompanied with the text "Trough mode." The necessary context is that earlier in the day, the staff of Defector had ordered trays of Thai food for dinner before they went to record a Twitch stream. Later that night, a small group of staffers who will remain nameless returned to the rented hotel room, finding the leftovers still available for consumption.

What follows is a (very lightly edited) direct transcript of the next few hours. It has been reviewed by an independent third party. Display names are as they appear in Slack.

Maitreyi 11:36 PM
good pic…can really sense the grimness

Barry Petchesky 11:36 PM
Is Paul pierce there

Big Cool Tom 11:44 PM
Goblin mode

Cat 11:48 PM
This is art
McKenna beat you all there, he came back with me and went straight for the pad Thai

David Roth 11:50 PM
Big trays of food…
Man I don't really care for the photo

Samer 12:02 AM
People keep saying I’m going goblin mode… yeah, I think I’m going goblin mode

Jasper Wang 12:05 AM
So I put the trays of leftover food in the hallway and asked the front desk to send the cleaning staff by to put it in trash before the morning… just want to confirm you guys brought the trays back from the hallway floor into the room

David Roth 12:06 AM
Can you confirm this please

Maitreyi 12:06 AM

David Roth 12:06 AM
Goblins scooping food off the ground?

giri 12:06 AM
They were in here when we came in

Maitreyi 12:06 AM
defector media staffers love hallway trash

giri 12:07 AM
Not hallway troughs

Patrick 12:07 AM
the troughs were in place when we entered

Big Cool Tom 12:07 AM
We did NOT have hallway food
Everyone must know this

David Roth 12:08 AM
They wouldn't even have brought it in.
They'd be feeding in the hallway like a pack of raccoons.
Disturbing humanesque hands

Lauren 12:08 AM
this was NOT hallway food

David Roth 12:08 AM
Eyes glinting in the light

Lauren 12:08 AM
let me address this issue

Maitreyi 12:08 AM
taking in a meal at the café du hallway

Samer 12:08 AM
Bro we ate so much of this food

Big Cool Tom 12:08 AM
I won’t stand accused of being a hallway goblin

Patrick 12:08 AM
the food is not now and never was in the hallway

Lauren 12:08 AM
it was on the damn tables
table food

giri 12:09 AM
“just want to confirm you guys brought the trays back from the hallway floor into the room” - no

David Roth 12:09 AM
When u see the pad see ew on the floor

Big Cool Tom 12:09 AM
This is absurd
Nobody is allowed to say we ate hallway food

Samer 12:10 AM
To me that’s preposterous, green curry on the hotel floor, things of that nature

David Roth 12:10 AM

Patrick 12:11 AM
jasper we are desperately awaiting an update here

David Roth 12:11 AM
All these grown men doing the Naomi Wolf "No! No!!" post when they get busted eating ground noodles

Big Cool Tom 12:12 AM
To say we ate hallway food is both libel and a violation of hippo

Samer 12:12 AM
[finger pointing up emoji]

Ray Ratto 12:12 AM
Please stop having fun, all of you.

Lauren 12:12 AM
some of the food was gone tbh (i was looking for spring rolls)
maybe there was some hallway food and some normle food

David Roth 12:13 AM
Lauren and the gang scurrying around looking for spring rolls

Samer 12:15 AM
Lot of people in chat thinking we gnoshed on noodles that were embedded in the patterned rug… couldn’t be me! I’m built different!

Patrick 12:20 AM
wow while you were discussing hallway food, the USMNT made something of themselves….something for you jokers to consider

Lauren 12:23 AM
Did The Coolest Defector Staffers Eat "Hallway Thai Food" While Watching The USMNT Beat Honduras? A Medium Debate

Luis 12:30 AM
What the hell happened here?

Lauren 12:30 AM
everything is normal
no hallway food was consumed i can promise you that

Luis 12:30 AM
Ok I’m going to back away slowly.

David Roth 12:31 AM
Best to secure all food around Defector staffers until the investigation is concluded.

Jasper Wang 12:32 AM
I personally removed all of the trays of food from the suite. Diana saw me mid-process.
I will say that the front desk woman was annoyed when I told her it was all in the hallway, and she said it would’ve been better if we’d just tidied up the food and left in the room, and she could just send somebody to the room instead of stinking up the hallway

Lauren 12:34 AM
oh no

Samer 12:35 AM
Lol fuck

Jasper Wang 12:35 AM
Is it more likely that a) the front desk woman left her post to put all the food back in the room because that made it easier for the cleaning crew, or b) there is a grim agreement among a subset of defector staffers to pretend they did not eat hallway food? I don’t know

Samer 12:36 AM
It’s not B!!
The food was on the tables!!

Lauren 12:36 AM

Samer 12:36 AM
Defector staff: Totally exonerated, food not on carpet

Lauren 12:36 AM
total exoneration!!!!

David Roth 12:37 AM
You all still absolutely would've, I don't think that's a total exoneration.

Lauren 12:39 AM
this whole thing is Thaiing my brain in knots

Patrick 12:40 AM
totally exonerated!

[Giri shares video of Patrick asking person at the front desk what happened to trays of food; audio is unclear]

Lauren 12:46 AM
wait i couldn't hear what she said

David Roth 12:47 AM
She confirmed that the food was consumed off the floor

Jasper Wang 12:47 AM
Ok so. You did not bring the trays back in from the hallway
But you did consume hallway food

Patrick 12:55 AM
i reported this out

dave mckenna 1:05 AM
Get the security cam footage from the hallway
Start throwing subpoenas around

[Ed. note: Dave later revealed in a side channel that he had taken the tray of leftover papaya salad back to his room.]

[A few hours pass, as people are sleeping]

Kelsey McKinney 8:13 AM
waking up to learn of the hallway food
good morning hallway food eaters

Barry Petchesky 8:15 AM
If I’m reading the logs correctly, a number of our staffers were eating hallway food but scattered back under their dumpster when the hotel staff flicked on the lights?

Wags 8:17 AM
lmaoo a worthwhile scrollback

Big Cool Tom 8:18 AM
barry that is libel and a violation of hippo
please strike from record

Patrick 8:19 AM
barry this is your first warning

Maitreyi 8:19 AM

new defector vision statement

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