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This Is So Stupid

Defector Has Concluded Its Investigation Of A Fart-Like Noise On A Basketball Podcast

A view as a detective examines fingerprints in the Finger Department at Scotland Yard in London, England. Circa 1950. (Photo by Pictorial Parade/Archive Photos/Getty Images)
Archive/Getty Images

A tipster named Will emailed the Defector tips line Thursday afternoon with the most enticing possible subject line: “who farted?” Within the email, the tipster included a timestamp and a link to Wednesday’s joint episode of The Hoop Collective and The Lowe Post with ESPN reporters Brian Windhorst and Zach Lowe, along with guest Larry Nance Jr. What follows is not so much our attempt to answer the question of who farted, but rather, what the noise in question really is.

At the 23:35 mark of the podcast, as Windhorst was making a point about Giannis Antetokounmpo’s dominance in the NBA Finals, the following sound occurs:

At first I thought, “That’s a fart.” It was a robust toot, with short but notable pauses of silence on either side. However, when I shared a homemade recording of the sound with the Defector staff, dissenters emerged:

Patrick: okay i listened to the fart in tips

David Roth: lol

Just workplace things

Patrick: brian windhorst just finishes making a point and then someone lets rip an unmistakable toot

then he just keeps going and nobody says anything lol

Samer: can you clip it for us

Patrick: yeah one sec

Samer: i wanna hear

David Roth: Samer’s about to give some tasting notes and terroir on this thing

[Audio of fart-like noise]

Wags: lol

Barry Petchesky: i think sneeze maybe

Lauren: oh yeah i heard that and kinda thought that was a mouth noise?

too close to the mic

Samer: that’s really robust

whatever it is

Wags: Did This Noise Come From Mouth or Butt

Barry Petchesky: lol

Patrick: are you kidding there’s no way that came from mouth

Barry Petchesky: i think it’s like a sneeze that someone tried to stifle

but was too stronk

David Roth: Saying “enhance” to my computer in hopes it will make it clearer somehow.

Patrick: that’s the clearest fart ever!

Barry Petchesky: From What Hole Did This Noise Come

Wags: lol

it coulda been on purpose

for emphasis

Lauren: lol

Barry Petchesky: patty there’s like a clear as day sneeze sound right after the toot

could’ve been a fart-sneeze

However, there had been an error. The “clear-as-day sneeze sound” following the fart-like noise was me trying to stifle a laugh as I recorded, so the audio was deemed inadmissible in Defector staff court. A second recording allowed for an unsullied decision: The sound appears to brap forth directly into the microphone, which is traditionally placed by the mouth hole, not the butthole.

[Audio of fart-like noise, unencumbered by giggling]

Patrick: no redford interference on this one

im kind coming around to team no fart

billy: the sound is directly in the mic

Patrick: yeah…..

billy: i think it was a “sheesh”-like noise in awe of the stat

Wags: yeah i think it was for emphasis

Barry Petchesky: Yeah

Wags: mouth hole

Barry Petchesky: lil raspberry

Patrick: damn

Samer: yeah i’m coming around to this assessment: it’s not an ass-essment

We have conducted our own investigation and come to our own conclusion. You are encouraged to do the same.

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