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<p>Columnist. Author of many <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Drew-Magary/e/B001JS8R52/ref=dp_byline_cont_pop_book_1">fine works of literature</a>, including <em>Point B</em>. Handsomest man in the world.</p>


Drew Magary

CLARYVILLE, NY - FEBRUARY 3: A rescued pitbull sits on her owners couch, February 3, 2024 in Claryville, New York.

Help! My Dog Gets Mad At Me When I Fart!

What’s The Worst Sport To Play With A Poopy Diaper?

SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA - APRIL 15: San Diego Chicken (Ted Giannoulis) cooks up some chicken wings on his grill at his home nest, April 15, 1986 in San Diego, California.

Don’t Sauce My Fried Chicken If You Suck At It

A Pre-Election Dog Story For You, The Dog Fan

In an old black-and-white photo, a pair of cute kids use an ear trumpet to communicate.

How To Go Deaf

Ostia Antica. Latrine at the Domus of Triclini, headquarters of the guild of builders. 2nd century AD. Near Rome.

What We Talk About When We Talk About Our Toilet Apps

MIAMI, FLORIDA - OCTOBER 02: In this photo illustration, the names of the candidates for the 2024 Presidential election, including Republican presidential nominee, former U.S. President Donald Trump, and Democratic presidential nominee, Vice President Kamala Harris, appear on a vote-by-mail ballot on October 02, 2024 in Miami, Florida. With 33 days to go until election day, voters across the nation have begun to receive their absentee/mail ballots. (Photo illustration by Joe Raedle/Getty Images)

October Surprises Are Bullshit

Tom Brady looks on prior to the game at AT&amp;T Stadium on September 15, 2024 in Arlington, Texas.

We Must Address The Tom Brady Crisis (The Crisis Being That He Stinks)

Eric Ng leads the parade through the cubicles at Yahoo! in Sunnyvale, Calif. on May 24, 1996. Co-workers follow on bikes and roller blades. The parade was a regular, though impromptu, event at Yahoo!

There’s No Such Thing As Wasted Time

Clorox disinfecting wipes are seen displayed for sale at a Walmart Supercenter on September 18, 2023 in Austin, Texas. Clorox has warned of a drop in quarterly earnings and product shortages after a recent cyberattack on the company's information technology infrastructure has disrupted operations and product availability.

Help! My Friend Wipes His Ass With Bleach!

Ancienne Belgique (AB) - Brussel - Belgium - 04/06/2005 Oasis: Liam Gallagher, Noel Gallagher Photo gie Knaeps

Oasis Is Back, You Wankers!

Brandy Jensen

September 1958: An employee of the 'Housewives Help Service' hoovering the living room of a businesswoman while she relaxes. (Photo by Frank Martin/BIPs/Getty Images)

Which Chore Gets Forgotten The Most Often?

J.J. McCarthy #9 of the Minnesota Vikings dives with the ball for a first down during the pre-season game against Las Vegas Raiders in the second half at U.S. Bank Stadium on August 10, 2024 in Minneapolis, Minnesota. J.J. McCarthy’s season was cut short due to a knee injury in the preseason game.

Bad Timing Can Make Any Injury Devastating

A man touches a mural by artist Bryan Peterson of the late Kobe Bryant depicted kissing his Academy Award on January 25, 2022 in Hollywood, California, a day before the two-year death anniversary of the former Los Angeles Lakers star. - Lakers star Kobe Bryant died with his daughter Gianna in a tragic helicopter crash which killed nine people on January 27, 2020. -

Annoying Kobe Worship Is Here To Stay

Brazil's Gabriel Medina reacts after getting a large wave in the 5th heat of the men's surfing round 3, during the Paris 2024 Olympic Games, in Teahupo'o, on the French Polynesian Island of Tahiti, on July 29, 2024.

What Summer Olympic Sport Is Best In Person?

Chef carving perfectly cooked prime rib roast beef

This Is The Most Photogenic Food In The World

President Joe Biden returns to the White House with first lady Jill Biden on July 7, 2024 in Washington, DC. Members of Congress return to Washington this week as pressure for Biden to withdraw as the Democratic nominee for the presidency continues to mount.

The Gerontocracy Loosened Its Death Grip

Dragon statue on Dragon Bridge over Ljublja

If No Wings I See, A Dragon It Not Be

A toy vendor is selling toys in Colombo, Sri Lanka, on February 28, 2024. (Photo by Thilina Kaluthotage/NurPhoto)

The World Will Drown In Cheap Toys

How I Became An All-Caps Fetishist

Photo of TALKING HEADS; Stop Making Sense

It’s Never Too Late To Fall In Love With ‘Stop Making Sense’

A robot using artificial intelligence is displayed at a stand during the International Telecommunication Union (ITU) AI for Good Global Summit in Geneva, on May 30, 2024. Humanity is in a race against time to harness the colossal emerging power of artificial intelligence for the good of all, while averting dire risks, a top UN official said. (Photo by Fabrice COFFRINI / AFP)

AI Isn’t Intelligent Until You And I Say So

What Makes A Power Ballad?

06/08/12 - Midland Park, NJ - A supermarket shelf at a Kings Food Market in Midland Park, New Jersey filled mostly with Frito-Lay brands of chips.

Mixing Chip Flavors Is A Dangerous Game

INDIANAPOLIS, IN - FEBRUARY 17: Shaquille O'Neal, Ernie Johnson, Kenny Smith and Charles Barkley from TNT talk as a part of State Farm All-Star Saturday Night on Saturday, February 17, 2024 at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis, Indiana. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2024 NBAE (Photo by Brandon Todd/NBAE via Getty Images)