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Columnist. Author of many <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Drew-Magary/e/B001JS8R52/ref=dp_byline_cont_pop_book_1">fine works of literature</a>, including Point B. Handsomest man in the world.

Drew Magary

There Are A Million Ways To Avoid Calling Yourself An Alcoholic

Diana Moskovitz is Defector&#8217;s investigations editor. You can contact her at diana@defector.com or dfmoskovitz@protonmail.com. She&#8217;s also on Signal @dmoskovitz.99

Diana Moskovitz

A manatee feeds on cabbage in the aquarium at the Vincennes zoological gardens (Parc zoologique de Vincennes) in Paris on April 4, 2019. - The zoo of Paris will celebrate five years since its reopening on April 12, 2019. (Photo by Philippe LOPEZ / AFP) (Photo credit should read PHILIPPE LOPEZ/AFP via Getty Images)

Consider The Manatee

on September 22, 2012 in Ruesselsheim, Germany.

Parental Screen Angst Is A Disease

An interior view of a bathroom with matching flowered wallpaper and shower curtain and blue sink, bathtub, toilet, and tiles, circa 1985. (Photo by Frederic Lewis/Getty Images)

Can I Take A Shit At An Open House?

I’m Worried People Might Get The Wrong Impression From My Satanist Tattoo

NEW ZEALAND - SEPTEMBER 09: Nelson Bays Brett Wallace extracts himself from the mud in his teams 2026 loss to Bay of Plenty in the Air New Zealand NPC second division match at Trafalgar Park, Nelson, Saturday. (Photo by Ross Land/Getty Images)

What We Talk About When We Talk About Soiling Ourselves

TORONTO, ON - MAY 22: Mookie Betts #50 of the Boston Red Sox comes in from right field and plays on the lip of the infield as the Red Sox emply a five-man infield with the bases loaded in the tenth inning during MLB game action against the Toronto Blue Jays at Rogers Centre on May 22, 2019 in Toronto, Canada. (Photo by Tom Szczerbowski/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Mookie Betts

Analytics Aren’t Why Baseball Is Worse

SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS - MARCH 30: NCAA president Mark Emmert attends the game between the Texas Longhorns and the South Carolina Gamecocks during the Elite Eight round of the NCAA Women's Basketball Tournament at Alamodome on March 30, 2021 in San Antonio, Texas. (Photo by Elsa/Getty Images)

We’ll Never Kill The NCAA

WASHINGTON - APRIL 13: U.S. Senator John Kerry (D-MA) (L) shakes hands with Patriot's quarterback Tom Brady after a Rose Garden event to honor the Super Bowl Champion's the New England Patriots April 13, 2005 at the White House in Washington, DC. Kerry had knee surgery recently. (Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)

No, Tom Brady Won’t Run For Office

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - OCTOBER 21: Actor Benedict Cumberbatch attends "The Current War" New York Premiere at AMC Lincoln Square Theater on October 21, 2019 in New York City. (Photo by Roy Rochlin/Getty Images)

Shut Up About Bad Movie Accents

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - MAY 29: The Netflix logo is displayed at Netflix offices on Sunset Boulevard on May 29, 2019 in Los Angeles, California. Netflix chief content officer Ted Sarandos said the company will reconsider their 'entire investment' in Georgia if a strict new abortion law is not overturned in the state. According to state data, the film industry in Georgia contributed $2.7 billion in direct spending while supporting 92,000 local jobs. (Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images)

Why Netflix Sucks

I Am Officially Powerless To Stop My Kids

A Long March 5 rocket carrying China's Chang'e-5 lunar probe launches from the Wenchang Space Center on China's southern Hainan Island on November 24, 2020, on a mission to bring back lunar rocks, the first attempt by any nation to retrieve samples from the moon in four decades. - (Photo by STR / AFP) / China OUT (Photo by STR/AFP via Getty Images)

You Will Never Go To Space

Clover Hope is a Brooklyn-based writer and author of the award-winning book <a href="https://store.abramsbooks.com/products/the-motherlode">The Motherlode: 100+ Women Who Made Hip-Hop</a>. Her writing has appeared in Esquire, Men&#8217;s Health, Elle, ESPN, Billboard, and GQ, among others.
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Clover Hope

Twins pose during the 20th edition of the Fete des Jumeaux (Festival of Twins), a gathering of twins, triplets and quadruplets, in Pleucadeuc, western of France on August 15, 2013. AFP PHOTO / FRED TANNEAU (Photo credit should read FRED TANNEAU/AFP via Getty Images)

How Many Clones Of Yourself Do You Want?

A rain storm is seen over a corn field in Oskaloosa, Iowa on August 15, 2019. (Photo by Alex Edelman / AFP) (Photo credit should read ALEX EDELMAN/AFP via Getty Images)

A Hater’s Guide To Iowa

ATLANTA, GEORGIA - JANUARY 20: Trae Young #11 of the Atlanta Hawks reacts after hitting a three-point basket in the final seconds of their 123-115 win over the Detroit Pistons during overtime at State Farm Arena on January 20, 2021 in Atlanta, Georgia. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

How To Fix The NBA’s Three-Point “Crisis”

Some Rules For Movie Soundtracks

TOPSHOT - The Miami skyline is seen as the sun sets in the background in South Bay, Miami Beach, on February 24, 2021. (Photo by CHANDAN KHANNA / AFP) (Photo by CHANDAN KHANNA/AFP via Getty Images)

What’s The Best Time For The Sun To Set?

Iraqis drink juice at a shop in a market in Iraq's central shrine city of Najaf on September 15, 2020, during the coronavirus pandemic. (Photo by Sabah ARAR / AFP) (Photo by SABAH ARAR/AFP via Getty Images)

Juices, Ranked

We Will Never Run Out Of War Movies

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS - DECEMBER 20: A Boston Celtics fan holds a sign during the game against the Detroit Pistons at TD Garden on December 20, 2019 in Boston, Massachusetts. The Celtics defeat the Pistons 114-93. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images)

A Boston Sports Fan Asks If His Kind Can Ever Be Forgiven

YAKIMA, WA - DECEMBER 28: A double cheeseburger, fries and soda lie on a table at Majors Hamburgers December 28, 2003 in Yakima, Washington. Two farms have been quarantined in Sunnyside and Mabton, Washington by the U.S.D.A after it was determined that a cow that came from the farms had been infected with mad cow disease, the first such case in the U.S. (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

I Love Basic Shit!

A Guatemalan woman touches a map of the United States at the Casa del Refugiado, or The House of Refugee, a new centre opened by the Annunciation House to help the large flow of migrants being released by the United States Border Patrol and Immigration and Customs Enforcement in El Paso, Texas on April 24, 2019. - The 125,000 foot space will accomodate about 500 migrants, with plans to expand for up to 1,500. While this is larger then other centres in the El Paso area, Father Ruben Garcia the director of Annunciation house says that they will still rely on churches around the community for help housing migrants. According to the CBP, border patrol agents apprehended 92,607 people along the southwest border in March, up from 66,884 in February. US President Donald Trump, who has made immigration the core of his message to his conservative base, said on Twitter that "a very big Caravan of over 20,000 people" is making its way through Mexico toward the United States. (Photo by Paul Ratje / AFP) (Photo credit should read PAUL RATJE/AFP via Getty Images)

Which Is America’s Least-Hated State?

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - JUNE 20: NBA Commissioner Adam Silver prepares to announce the third overall pick by the New York Knicks during the 2019 NBA Draft at the Barclays Center on June 20, 2019 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Sarah Stier/Getty Images)