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Columnist. Author of many <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Drew-Magary/e/B001JS8R52/ref=dp_byline_cont_pop_book_1">fine works of literature</a>, including Point B. Handsomest man in the world.

Drew Magary

How To Not Suck At Writing

XXX during the NFL game at the University of Phoenix Stadium on October 17, 2016 in Glendale, Arizona. The Cardinals defeated the Jets 28-3.

Hear Me Out: A Pi Jersey

I Hope I Get Old Before I Die

You Have To Earn The Right To Fuck Off At Work

SCHOOLCRAFT, MI - AUGUST 30: Students return for the first day of the school year at Schoolcraft Elementary on August 30, 2021 in Schoolcraft, Michigan. The Schoolcraft Community School district, like many school districts throughout the country are adapting to mask mandates for teachers and students due to the current surge of Covid-19 cases. (Photo by Matthew Hatcher/Getty Images)

I Wanted The Pandemic To Be Over So Badly I Stopped Paying Attention To Reality

The Arica-La Paz train, connecting Chile and Bolivia, runs in Arica, some 2000 km north of Santiago, on May 13, 2013. AFP PHOTO / CLAUDIO SANTANA (Photo credit should read CLAUDIO SANTANA/AFP via Getty Images)

It’s Decided. I’m Moving To Arica, Chile.

If You Could Remember Every Single Thing, Would You?

Alex Pareene

What’s The Point Of Wolf Blitzer?

Jeremy is a Brooklyn-based writer and comedian. He&#8217;s best known for doing Twitter videos with Rajat even though they haven&#8217;t done one in a while.

Jeremy Levick

Rajat is a Brooklyn-based writer and comedian. He&#8217;s best known for doing Twitter videos with Jeremy even though they haven&#8217;t done one in a while.

Rajat Suresh

28 Aug 1999:A view of two fans of the Florida State Seminoles who paint their bodies in the school colors for support during the game against the Louisiana Tech Bulldogs at the Doak Campbell Stadium in Tallahasse, Florida. The Seminoles defeated the Bulldogs 41-7. Mandatory Credit: Scott Halleran /Allsport

What’s The Most Annoying Type Of Fan?

BENIDORM, SPAIN - JULY 22: People sunbathe at Levante Beach on July 22, 2015 in Benidorm, Spain. Spain has set a new record for visitors, with 29.2 million visitors in June, 4.2% more than the same period in 2014. Spain is also expected to be the main destination of tourists seeking a value-for-money all-inclusive holiday after the Tunisia attack. (Photo by David Ramos/Getty Images)

I Went To The Beach And All I Got Was This Petty Existential Rage

OSKALOOSA, IOWA - JANUARY 25: Democratic presidential candidate Andrew Yang plays mini-golf after holding a town hall meeting at Penn Central Mall January 25, 2020 in Oskaloosa, Iowa. While three of the top-polling Democratic presidential candidates are U.S. Senators and must be in Washington for the impeachment trial of President Donald Trump, millionaire businessman Yang continues to campaign across Iowa ahead of its all-important caucuses scheduled for February 03. (Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)

No, You Couldn’t Beat A Pro Golfer At Minigolf

Do Any NBA Players Smoke Cigarettes?

A Completely Useless Guide To Switching Careers

There Are A Million Ways To Avoid Calling Yourself An Alcoholic

Diana Moskovitz is Defector&#8217;s investigations editor. You can contact her at diana@defector.com or dfmoskovitz@protonmail.com. She&#8217;s also on Signal @dmoskovitz.99

Diana Moskovitz

A manatee feeds on cabbage in the aquarium at the Vincennes zoological gardens (Parc zoologique de Vincennes) in Paris on April 4, 2019. - The zoo of Paris will celebrate five years since its reopening on April 12, 2019. (Photo by Philippe LOPEZ / AFP) (Photo credit should read PHILIPPE LOPEZ/AFP via Getty Images)

Consider The Manatee

on September 22, 2012 in Ruesselsheim, Germany.

Parental Screen Angst Is A Disease

An interior view of a bathroom with matching flowered wallpaper and shower curtain and blue sink, bathtub, toilet, and tiles, circa 1985. (Photo by Frederic Lewis/Getty Images)

Can I Take A Shit At An Open House?

I’m Worried People Might Get The Wrong Impression From My Satanist Tattoo

NEW ZEALAND - SEPTEMBER 09: Nelson Bays Brett Wallace extracts himself from the mud in his teams 2026 loss to Bay of Plenty in the Air New Zealand NPC second division match at Trafalgar Park, Nelson, Saturday. (Photo by Ross Land/Getty Images)

What We Talk About When We Talk About Soiling Ourselves

TORONTO, ON - MAY 22: Mookie Betts #50 of the Boston Red Sox comes in from right field and plays on the lip of the infield as the Red Sox emply a five-man infield with the bases loaded in the tenth inning during MLB game action against the Toronto Blue Jays at Rogers Centre on May 22, 2019 in Toronto, Canada. (Photo by Tom Szczerbowski/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Mookie Betts

Analytics Aren’t Why Baseball Is Worse

SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS - MARCH 30: NCAA president Mark Emmert attends the game between the Texas Longhorns and the South Carolina Gamecocks during the Elite Eight round of the NCAA Women's Basketball Tournament at Alamodome on March 30, 2021 in San Antonio, Texas. (Photo by Elsa/Getty Images)

We’ll Never Kill The NCAA

WASHINGTON - APRIL 13: U.S. Senator John Kerry (D-MA) (L) shakes hands with Patriot's quarterback Tom Brady after a Rose Garden event to honor the Super Bowl Champion's the New England Patriots April 13, 2005 at the White House in Washington, DC. Kerry had knee surgery recently. (Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)

No, Tom Brady Won’t Run For Office

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - OCTOBER 21: Actor Benedict Cumberbatch attends "The Current War" New York Premiere at AMC Lincoln Square Theater on October 21, 2019 in New York City. (Photo by Roy Rochlin/Getty Images)

Shut Up About Bad Movie Accents

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - MAY 29: The Netflix logo is displayed at Netflix offices on Sunset Boulevard on May 29, 2019 in Los Angeles, California. Netflix chief content officer Ted Sarandos said the company will reconsider their 'entire investment' in Georgia if a strict new abortion law is not overturned in the state. According to state data, the film industry in Georgia contributed $2.7 billion in direct spending while supporting 92,000 local jobs. (Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images)