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Funbag

Make It Nice

Minor Dilemmas

Advice

Columnist. Author of many <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Drew-Magary/e/B001JS8R52/ref=dp_byline_cont_pop_book_1">fine works of literature</a>, including Point B. Handsomest man in the world.

Drew Magary

A 40-Team NFL Is A Terrible Idea That I’d Absolutely Live With

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA - NOVEMBER 21: Derek Carr #4 of the Las Vegas Raiders fumbles the ball during the fourth quarter in the game against the Cincinnati Bengals at Allegiant Stadium on November 21, 2021 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Matthew Stockman/Getty Images)

There Is No Perfect Stat

Allow Me To Explain Why Chocolate Soda Shouldn’t Exist

The Upside Of Insomnia

We Kept Our Kids’ Baby Teeth And It Was Weird

CLEVELAND, OHIO - OCTOBER 17: Referee Carl Cheffers #51 calls a defensive penalty during the fourth quarter of the game between the Cleveland Browns and the Arizona Cardinals at FirstEnergy Stadium on October 17, 2021 in Cleveland, Ohio. (Photo by Nick Cammett/Getty Images)

You Don’t Want AI Refs

I Am Politely Asking TV Broadcasters To Stop Reading Tweets On Air

The Time I Libeled Myself After Waking Up From A Coma

at Hard Rock Stadium on December 11, 2017 in Miami Gardens, Florida.

NFL Coaching Trees Are A Scam

How To Not Suck At Writing

XXX during the NFL game at the University of Phoenix Stadium on October 17, 2016 in Glendale, Arizona. The Cardinals defeated the Jets 28-3.

Hear Me Out: A Pi Jersey

I Hope I Get Old Before I Die

You Have To Earn The Right To Fuck Off At Work

SCHOOLCRAFT, MI - AUGUST 30: Students return for the first day of the school year at Schoolcraft Elementary on August 30, 2021 in Schoolcraft, Michigan. The Schoolcraft Community School district, like many school districts throughout the country are adapting to mask mandates for teachers and students due to the current surge of Covid-19 cases. (Photo by Matthew Hatcher/Getty Images)

I Wanted The Pandemic To Be Over So Badly I Stopped Paying Attention To Reality

The Arica-La Paz train, connecting Chile and Bolivia, runs in Arica, some 2000 km north of Santiago, on May 13, 2013. AFP PHOTO / CLAUDIO SANTANA (Photo credit should read CLAUDIO SANTANA/AFP via Getty Images)

It’s Decided. I’m Moving To Arica, Chile.

If You Could Remember Every Single Thing, Would You?

Alex Pareene

What’s The Point Of Wolf Blitzer?

Jeremy is a Brooklyn-based writer and comedian. He&#8217;s best known for doing Twitter videos with Rajat even though they haven&#8217;t done one in a while.

Jeremy Levick

Rajat is a Brooklyn-based writer and comedian. He&#8217;s best known for doing Twitter videos with Jeremy even though they haven&#8217;t done one in a while.

Rajat Suresh

28 Aug 1999:A view of two fans of the Florida State Seminoles who paint their bodies in the school colors for support during the game against the Louisiana Tech Bulldogs at the Doak Campbell Stadium in Tallahasse, Florida. The Seminoles defeated the Bulldogs 41-7. Mandatory Credit: Scott Halleran /Allsport

What’s The Most Annoying Type Of Fan?

BENIDORM, SPAIN - JULY 22: People sunbathe at Levante Beach on July 22, 2015 in Benidorm, Spain. Spain has set a new record for visitors, with 29.2 million visitors in June, 4.2% more than the same period in 2014. Spain is also expected to be the main destination of tourists seeking a value-for-money all-inclusive holiday after the Tunisia attack. (Photo by David Ramos/Getty Images)

I Went To The Beach And All I Got Was This Petty Existential Rage

OSKALOOSA, IOWA - JANUARY 25: Democratic presidential candidate Andrew Yang plays mini-golf after holding a town hall meeting at Penn Central Mall January 25, 2020 in Oskaloosa, Iowa. While three of the top-polling Democratic presidential candidates are U.S. Senators and must be in Washington for the impeachment trial of President Donald Trump, millionaire businessman Yang continues to campaign across Iowa ahead of its all-important caucuses scheduled for February 03. (Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)

No, You Couldn’t Beat A Pro Golfer At Minigolf

Do Any NBA Players Smoke Cigarettes?

A Completely Useless Guide To Switching Careers

There Are A Million Ways To Avoid Calling Yourself An Alcoholic

Diana Moskovitz is Defector&#8217;s investigations editor. You can contact her at diana@defector.com or dfmoskovitz@protonmail.com. She&#8217;s also on Signal @dmoskovitz.99

Diana Moskovitz

A manatee feeds on cabbage in the aquarium at the Vincennes zoological gardens (Parc zoologique de Vincennes) in Paris on April 4, 2019. - The zoo of Paris will celebrate five years since its reopening on April 12, 2019. (Photo by Philippe LOPEZ / AFP) (Photo credit should read PHILIPPE LOPEZ/AFP via Getty Images)

Consider The Manatee

on September 22, 2012 in Ruesselsheim, Germany.