In the modern entertainment environment, the space between “killing on stage” and full-saturation overkill is collapsing quickly. This puts upstart talents in a tough spot, although it’s harder on the people now tasked with enduring 13 hours of live Pat McAfee content every weekday. The temptation among entrepreneurs and the financial brutes behind them amounts to "If people like the taste of something, let's go buy an oil can funnel and pour it down their throats until they gag." This is in large part because fewer and fewer of those people like or even understand the business they're in, but also the alternative is taking risks with new and unproven ideas, and nobody ever made a yacht payment by taking chances with philistine ... er, American audiences.
Which is why the dawning of Bill Belichick The Entertainer is such a fascinating development, particularly since his debut on Monday's Manningcast delivered the worst ratings the show has ever had. This is impressive given the hype, as it was the first Monday Night Football event of the season, and the game was sufficiently marquee—Jets-49ers, or as it was commonly known, Aaron Rodgers vs. Kyle Shanahan. What's not to love?
Without answering that question definitively, we can say that America answered, “A lot, actually.” It would be unfair to blame Belichick for this; he didn’t make the Jets the Jets, or make Aaron Rodgers act how Aaron Rodgers acts. Maybe the audience will grow in time, and maybe he will grow on them. But Belichick’s box office failure clashes with how thin he has already spread himself—he also does weekly hits with ESPN's aforementioned tanktop toybox McAfee, as well as a weekly spot with noted orators Mike Lombardi and Matt Patricia. It's hard to imagine he is doing this for any reason other than staying visible until he gets another coaching gig, in part so that he can abandon every vestige of known media all over again. Or maybe the coach who built a legend off refusing to talk to the media on any terms but his own is finally ready to join up and open up.
In the meantime, Belichick has to fake it to take it, and he has chosen the turbo method. In maximizing his exposure as he has, though, Belichick runs the risk that has wrecked so many ex-anythings seeking out the comforts of unaccountable pedantry, which is emptying the till before closing time. The thing you might want Belichick for—brutally frank and even occasionally cynical analysis of the league and characters, delivered from the perspective of a true master—you will not get.
This is mostly a business decision. Belichick doesn't know which of the teams he’s talking about might have a job to dangle, and so likely won’t put any such appointment at risk. The apex predator is at a loss; he never thought he'd be in this predicament, and so he can't know who to kneecap in search of the not-very-elusive McAfee belly laugh. Besides, he knows he's on the set primarily to be a name, just as Tom Brady is for Fox. McAfee had to win his gig with his actual personality; the Mannings, especially Peyton, had a gift for wry southern wit and hefty Pro Football Reference pages. Whether you are picking up what they’re putting down or not, you can see why the Mannings worked. You can also see how Belichick, just by being himself, might wind up slipping between all those quadrants.
But also, the Mannings are profoundly overexposed by choice; you can now essentially see their comedic, analytical, bias-infused leanings on nearly every platform they can cobble together. The master plan seems to be that they don't want or need to be tied exclusively to ESPN, because their very independence is their moneymaker. McAfee also has a level of freedom that undoubtedly chafes ESPN, if only because of what he’s done with it, but leverage is as leverage does. Shaquille O'Neal and Charles Barkey are mega-pitchmen; Jason Kelce is already on his way there while waiting for his brother to stop running over other people for a living. There’s good money in all this, especially once you make your peace with the end of your first career.
ManningCorp, LeBron James, and Stephen Curry are their own production companies. Dan Patrick created his own universe after leaving ESPN, as did Dan Le Batard and his troupe of carefully crafted parodies later in the game. They are now kindred larynxes at Peacock, as well as nearly a dozen other streaming services that may or may not make it to next Arbor Day. For all we know, they are working toward a deal with the Belgian network VOOSport as soon as they can agree whether to learn how to work blue in Flemish or Walloon. After all, in this climate you can never have enough backup channels, regardless of how many are showing the same show simultaneously. They are racing toward total saturation, but they intent on having some fun or at least making some money before the chipper-shredder of Too Much Face Time catches and mulches them en masse.
The one thing that all of the above have in common, though, is that they aren't trying to get back into football the way Belichick is. They've reached their goal. Belichick is trying to find his next one. He is trying to be everything to everyone while the getting is good and the checks are clearing, but nobody, including him, is of the opinion that he is doing anything but renting the space he currently occupies until he can get back on the sideline. And so, because it is good business, Belichick will be careful about what he says and about whom he says it, which defeats the purpose of having him on TV at all, let alone having him on so many outlets, so often. This leaves out the fact that, even in this new role as a TV Guy, he still seems more like a slightly more avuncular version of Coach Bill Belichick than anything else. He states the fairly obvious with earnestness, but has yet to say anything more provocative or lasting than rephrasing his seminal exhortation of "do your job." It's early and he may yet surprise us all, but one suspects this might be as good as it gets.
One opinion, though, is no more valid in a vacuum than any other, and it's the seeming lack of interest on the macro level that makes one wonder just how much American football fans really craved Belichick's oratory to start. It isn't like Falcons-Eagles is going to provide a better come-on than Jets-49ers. If you can't sell Rodgers and the coaching icon in his own rec room, it's hard to imagine Kirk Cousins in Week 2 doing the trick.
There are no days off from curmudgeonhood, for the same reason that there are no days off from coaching or looking for the next coaching gig. Belichick is keeping busy, but he is also gambling, as he did last year, that there is a job opening with his name on it. And until that happens, he will dance as fast as he can on as many dance floors as his feet and direct deposit information can handle—all in the fervent hope that he never has to dance again. Belichick is in a race to see who wearies of him being on television sooner—the viewers, or him. He is also in a race to see if he lasts longer as a personality than Matt Patricia, a sentence you have never read anywhere else in any context. That’s not a pleasant thought, either, but that’s the business for you.
