Basketball Maneuvers I Would Feel Comfortable Performing In Front Of An NBA Player, Ranked

A 2018 clip of Joel Embiid playing pickup basketball is recirculating this week. Watching the civilian in the clip receive an entry pass from Embiid and take a few abortive dribbles before flinging a kick-out pass in Embiid's direction got the staff thinking about the absurdity of performing any basketball maneuver in the vicinity of a flesh-and-blood NBA player.

It must feel stupid and doomed. But it must be kinda neat, too. Anyway, here is a definitive ranking:

1. Passing ball to NBA player
2. Allowing NBA player to bounce the ball off of one's face
3. Building team morale by celebrating NBA player's feats
4. Getting windmill-dunked on by Joel Embiid
5. Dominant-hand layup
6. Receiving pass from NBA player while stationary
7. Spot-up jumper
8. Off-hand layup
9. Pull-up jumper
10. Receiving pass from NBA player while on the move
11. Setting screen for NBA player
12. Rebounding
13. "Defending" NBA player