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Defector

Billy Haisley

Norway's forward Erling Braut Haaland lays on the field during the FIFA World Cup Qatar 2022 qualification football match between Gibraltar and Norway on March 24, 2021 at the Victoria Stadium in Gibraltar.

Soccer

The Stage Is Set For The Summer Of Haaland

France's forward Ousmane Dembele (C) celebrates with France's forward Antoine Griezmann (L) and France's forward Anthony Martial (R) teammates after scoring a goal during the FIFA World Cup Qatar 2022 qualification Group D football match between Kazakhstan and France, at the Astana Arena, in Nur-Sultan, on March 28, 2021.

Ousmane Dembélé Is Finally Back On Track

Martin Odegaard of Arsenal has a shot on goal whilst under pressure from Declan Rice and Tomáš Souček of West Ham United during the Premier League match between West Ham United and Arsenal at London Stadium on March 21, 2021 in London, England.

Martin Odegaard Pulls All The Strings

Kelechi Iheanacho of Leicester City celebrates after scoring their side's first goal during the Premier League match between Leicester City and Sheffield United at The King Power Stadium on March 14, 2021 in Leicester, England.

Kelechi Iheanacho Is Breaking Out At Just The Right Time

Bruno Fernandes of Manchester United celebrates after scoring their side's first goal from the penalty spot during the Premier League match between Manchester City and Manchester United at Etihad Stadium on March 07, 2021 in Manchester, England.

Manchester United Has Crawled Out Of The Meme Zone

Upon further review, VAR disallows a Fulham goal against Tottenham due to the dumb handball rule.

The Handball Rule Is Now A Little Less Dogshit

The big screen inside the stadium shows that a VAR review has decided to disallow a goal scored by Josh Maja of Fulham (not pictured) during the Premier League match between Fulham and Tottenham Hotspur at Craven Cottage on March 04, 2021 in London, England.

The Handball Rule Is Dogshit

Tottenham Hotspur's Welsh striker Gareth Bale (C) celebrates with teammates after scoring their fourth goal during the English Premier League football match between Tottenham Hotspur and Burnley at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium in London, on February 28, 2021.

Tottenham Has Finally Gotten Its Gareth Bale Back

Chelsea's French striker Olivier Giroud (L) scores during the UEFA Champions League round of 16 first leg football match between Club Atletico de Madrid and Chelsea at the Arena Nationala stadium in Bucharest on February 23, 2021.

Olivier Giroud Scores Fittingly Drab Golazo

Raheem Sterling of Manchester City celebrates after scoring his team's first goal during the Premier League match between Arsenal and Manchester City at Emirates Stadium on February 21, 2021 in London, England.

Resistance Is Futile Against Manchester City

Erling Haaland of Borussia Dortmund scores their side's third goal during the UEFA Champions League Round of 16 match between Sevilla FC and Borussia Dortmund at Estadio Ramon Sanchez Pizjuan on February 17, 2021 in Seville, Spain. Sporting stadiums around Spain remain under strict restrictions due to the Coronavirus Pandemic as Government social distancing laws prohibit fans inside venues resulting in games being played behind closed doors.

Erling Haaland Is Scary

https://twitter.com/migquintana/status/1284890215954427905

Pedri Makes Barcelona’s Bad Season Worth It

Paris Saint-Germain's Brazilian forward Neymar (3rd-L) reacts on the lawn during the French Cup round-of-64 football match between Stade Malherbe Caen and Paris Saint-Germain at the Michel-d'Ornano Stadium in Caen, northwestern France on February 10, 2021.

It’s Happening To Neymar Again

Manchester United's Portuguese midfielder Bruno Fernandes (R) scores his team's first goal during the English Premier League football match between Manchester United and Everton at Old Trafford in Manchester, north west England, on February 6, 2021.

When A Goal Is A Work Of Art

Atletico Madrid's Uruguayan forward Luis Suarez celebrates his second goal during the Spanish league football match Cadiz CF against Club Atletico de Madrid at the Ramon de Carranza stadium in Cadiz on January 31, 2021.

Luis Suárez Is As Regular As An Old Man Eating Bran

Erling Haaland of Borussia Dortmund battles for possession with Dayot Upamecano, Amadou Haidara, Marcel Sabitzer and Willi Orban of RB Leipzig during the Bundesliga match between RB Leipzig and Borussia Dortmund at Red Bull Arena on January 09, 2021 in Leipzig, Germany. Sporting stadiums around Germany remain under strict restrictions due to the Coronavirus Pandemic as Government social distancing laws prohibit fans inside venues resulting in games being played behind closed doors.

Erling Haaland Is Still Growing

Arsenal's English striker Bukayo Saka celebrates scoring their second goal during the English Premier League football match between West Bromwich Albion and Arsenal at The Hawthorns stadium in West Bromwich, central England, on January 2, 2021.

Bukayo Saka Is Finding His Place, And Arsenal Is Too

Rapper MF DOOM performs at a benefit concert for the Rhino Foundation at Central Park's Rumsey Playfield on June 28, 2005 in New York City.

Music

The Infinite Gifts Of MF Doom

Leicester City's English striker Jamie Vardy (L) celebrates after his header is deflected into his own net by Tottenham Hotspur's Belgian defender Toby Alderweireld (not seen) for their second goal during the English Premier League football match between Tottenham Hotspur and Leicester City at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium in London, on December 20, 2020.

The Clock Still Hasn’t Struck Midnight In Leicester City’s Cinderella Story

Lille's US midfielder Timothy Weah celebrates after scoring a goal during the French L1 football match between Dijon FCO (DFCO) and Lille (LOSC), at the Gaston Gerard Stadium in Dijon, central France, on December 16, 2020.

Tim Weah Is Still Here

Daniel Podence of Wolverhampton Wanderers celebrates with teammates Romain Saiss and Pedro Neto after scoring their team's first goal during the Premier League match between Wolverhampton Wanderers and Chelsea at Molineux on December 15, 2020 in Wolverhampton, England. The match will be played without fans, behind closed doors as a Covid-19 precaution.

All Hail Daniel Podence, The Premier League’s Reigning Short King

Oliver McBurnie of Sheffield United is fouled by Kyle Walker-Peters of Southampton during the Premier League match between Southampton and Sheffield United at St Mary's Stadium on December 13, 2020 in Southampton, England. A limited number of spectators (2000) are welcomed back to stadiums to watch elite football across England. This was following easing of restrictions on spectators in tiers one and two areas only.

Rooting For Sheffield United Must Suck Incredible Amounts Of Ass Right Now

Paris Saint-Germain's Brazilian forward Neymar (C) is challenged by Istanbul Basaksehir's Turkish midfielder Mahmut Tekdemir (back) during the UEFA Champions League group H football match between Paris Saint-Germain (PSG) and Istanbul Basaksehir FK at the Parc des Princes stadium in Paris, on December 9, 2020.

Neymar Is Finally The Best Player In The World

Screenshot of a scene from La Grande Bouffe, with Michel Piccoli holding a cow's head.

Defector At The Movies

‘La Grande Bouffe’ Knew Exactly How To Make Arthouse Accessible: Lots Of Fart Gags

Inter Milan's Belgian forward Romelu Lukaku celebrates after they scored during the UEFA Champions League football match Borussia Moenchengladbach v Inter Milan in Moenchengladbach, western Germany, on December 1, 2020.