Aaron Rodgers Forced To Remain In Current Role As Part-Time Attention-Getting Loser

Despite The New York Times floating the possibility of Robert Kennedy Jr. selecting Aaron Rodgers to join him as a running mate on his doomed and embarrassing presidential campaign, Kennedy announced today that someone named Nicole Shanahan is his VP pick.

This must be devastating news for Rodgers, who currently splits his time between playing quarterback for the Jets and pursuing his true passion: being an off-putting loser in public. Rodgers was this close to turning his hobby into a full-time job, only to be spurned. We can't always get what we want.

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