The Macpill Is Becoming Too Potent

Health experts across the country agree: Every American over the age of 18, especially those with pre-existing conditions, should take the Macpill.

The New England Patriots stomped the Cleveland Browns on Sunday, 45-7. How much of that was due to Nick Chubb's absence, Rhamondre Stevenson's breakout game, or the Pats' defense? That's not relevant at this time. The Macpill has no contraindications. The medicated hordes will look at the stats and find greatness within them: Mac Jones was 19-of-23 for 198 passing yards, three touchdowns, and no turnovers. The Patriots are 6-4 and have won four straight. It is only a matter of time before a team led by a former child model takes control of the AFC East.

Jones's highlight of the day was this touchdown pass to Kendrick Bourne, to conclude a 99-yard drive. Experts would describe this throw as "sick." Jimmy Garoppolo should retroactively pay Mac Jones for being willing to wear his jersey number.

Jones has made the Chargers and Browns, two assumed AFC contenders, look like big frauds. He is poised, the highest compliment that can be awarded to any rookie quarterback. His teammates know this, as evidenced by this Tom Curran column, which was clearly written under the influence of the Macpill:

This poise can be seen during the game. Sometimes on third down Mac Jones will be sacked then jog to the sideline, unfazed, his hearty stomach cushioning him from any serious harm. The broadcast will show him on the bench, expressionless, mouth occasionally slightly open, blood occasionally on his jersey. Is he deep in thought about the failed offensive drive, or is he just a little dim? Does it matter?

Shannon Sharpe has taken more than the recommended dosage of Macpills.

Who could have seen this coming? The Macpilled. They saw it coming. Schedule your appointment through your state's department of health website, and do it quickly, before the Patriots have to play the Titans once and the Bills twice within the span of a month.