Netflix viewer statistics are notorious lies. Not just in the Nielsen "we're doing a lot of extrapolating" sense, nor even generous but plausible exaggerations. The data is wholly private, the methods proprietary, and the numbers they do choose to leak are immediately laughed down as mathematically absurd. All streamers play fast and loose with this stuff, but Netflix is particularly egregious. They have their ways: When you watch five minutes of a movie and turn it off because it's ass, Netflix multiplies that five minutes by whatever it needs to achieve the total runtime, then by the 16 people who no doubt live in your household, and that's how we end up with things like Red Notice being the most-watched movie on Earth, ever.
The NFL likes to brag about its ratings. This is understandable, because live sports are the only thing that gets decent broadcast ratings anymore, and the NFL is a juggernaut even in that rare air. So when NFL games made their Netflix debut on Christmas Day with a pair of boring blowouts, you knew the bragging would reach new heights. And because there's no third party actually tracking or verifying the numbers, they could just make up some shit. That is presumably what they did, when NFL Media shared some impressive metrics not long after Chiefs-Steelers ended, but they flew a little too close to the sun.
"Over 200 countries" watched the game, huh? OK, I can buy that Pope Francis checked in on the score during breaks from whatever he was doing on Christmas (I imagine he was pretty busy). I can even buy that there are some Steelers fans in San Marino (I imagine everyone else in San Marino hates those people).
The thing is, you have to get extremely creative to even get to 200 countries on Earth. You have to recognize as sovereign a bunch of places not recognized by the UN, and in some cases not by more than a handful of states. In many instances, recognition of these football-loving Netflix users threatens to set off regional wars.
Palestine and Kosovo? The NFL says you're both free and indivisible, which I imagine will cause no controversy. The Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus? Netflix says join the club, no matter what Regular Cyprus insists. Transnistria, despite not being recognized by any other recognized sovereign states, is tuning in to see Travis Kelce, and then will probably stick around afterward for Is It Cake?
You, a fool, probably thought the situation in Western Sahara, where the former Spanish colony is claimed by the Sahrawi Republic but most of the territory is occupied by Morocco, was intractable and unsolvable. You were so wrong! The NFL and Netflix has decided the issue: They are a nation, and they love the NFL and Netflix.
Somaliland, which claims an independent nation within Somalia, but is currently unrecognized by any other state on the planet? Netflix sees you.
I'm sure lots of people watched football yesterday. I imagine many others were nudged in that direction by their smart TVs. I just hope I can laugh about it all when World War III starts over the NFL's and Netflix's recognition of Taiwanese independence.
