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Make It A Ham Bag This Holiday Season

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Illustration by Tara Jacoby

In theory, you can’t step into the same river twice. Ideally you do a lot of growing and changing when you flounce off to college. That is especially true when you cross an ocean to go off to school. But sooner or later, the siren song of home becomes harder and harder to ignore. This is not without a number of risks: your parents, your old friends and confronting your old self. 

But when you run into your hometown crush and they look sexier than ever, all the usual psychochemical accouterments of said crush—paralysis, bewitchment, intoxication—sure make a strong case that you are awash in the same old waters after all. Good luck. 

This week we bring you a tale of dread, contentious gift-giving, and casual surveillance. Don’t those words conjure the sound of sleigh bells, the glimmer of multicolored lights, and the taste of moist ham on the back of the tongue? That’s right: It’s Christmas in November! 

Our guest this week is Carson Olshansky! Carson is a Brooklyn-based standup comedian and writer whom you may know from NYC Pridefest, New York Comedy Festival, Reductress, or that time Cara Delevingne commented on their Instagram reel.

Carson brought Kelsey a story about a mystery surrounding an ex-friend’s real age, and then Kelsey brought Carson down to the land of a thousand Hemsworths for misadventures in Christmas gift selection. 

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