This piece was originally published on FOIAball, a new publication covering college football programs using this country’s robust Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) laws. If you like this story, consider becoming a FOIAball subscriber and receive a 33 percent early bird discount.
Xenophon's Constitution of the Lacedaemonians, which delineated the foundational tenets of Spartan society during its army’s fearsome zenith, runs a scant 1,800 words.
The code of conduct for Sparty, Michigan State University’s oversized caricature of a Peloponnesian warrior, is five times that length.
In fairness to East Lansing, Xenophon didn’t have to explain how soldiers were told not to operate the Sparty Mobile while drunk.
In the official Sparty Mascot Program Handbook, which includes an airtight NDA, Spartys are ordered to act with honor when not in their suits, deny their humanity while in costume, maintain a 3.0 GPA, and always respect the American flag.
Yes, Sparty is required to stand for the anthem.
To see what other bizarre rules college football mascots must abide by, FOIAball obtained application forms, tryout schedules, codes of conduct, guidelines, and NDAs from some of the sport’s most infamous creatures, including Wisconsin’s Bucky Badger, Houston’s Shasta the Cougar, Western Kentucky’s delightfully oafish Big Red, and Sparty.
FOIAball also obtained training videos given to new Spartys, where they’re taught to use the pteruges of their skirts to ensure their junk stays hidden.
In Madison, potential Bucky Badgers are subjected to a three-day process after filling out an application that includes the same mind-numbing queries you hate to answer when trying to career hop in the real world.
“What do you think Bucky Badger should do differently when he performs?” the application asks, “And what would you do to enhance his performance?”
Potential Shastas, too, are prodded about their visions for the role.
At the first round of tryouts, Buckys are tasked with acting out a three-minute-long scenario, handed props and ordered to use them in “creative” ways, and graded on how they handle switching dance moves from techno to big band.
Future Big Reds are given a series of role-playing scenarios, told to react as if they needed to help a cheerleader who just ripped their pants or been handed a baby with a dirty diaper.
Though it isn’t all focused on butts, WKU does want to know how Big Red would handle a streaker on the field, too.
Only 10 percent of the grading rubric at Wisconsin is push-ups, which is surprising given that in 2010, Bucky Badger pumped out 535 after the team put up 83 points in a romp against Indiana.
Although applicants are required to max out in front of judges, they’re graded not on the total number but on their endurance and “strength.”
Wisconsin Assistant AD of Strategic Communications Patrick Herb (the only school to respond to FOIAball’s inquiries, we’d like to note, so we cut the barb about their low point totals to close out last season) said that, “Physical fitness is just one of many important aspects of being a successful Bucky Badgers … Prospective Buckys go through three days of tryouts for a chance to be one of eight or so students that will become Bucky Badger each school year.”
He also endearingly praised the Bucky Badger community as a whole.
“Bucky Badger is a beloved figure in the athletic department, University, and across the entire state of Wisconsin,” Herb added. “He’s often the most popular photo subject at Wisconsin sporting events and his fun and whimsical personality lights up any appearance.”
Future Shastas get much less leeway; alongside being asked whether they’re “comfortable being sweaty and gross in a tight space,” applicants need to list out how many push-ups they can “currently” do.
Those who want to make it to the next round should probably answer 100, because passing a “100 push up test” is listed in the requirements for the role.
That bullet comes just after a slightly less rigorous note that applicants must be able to fit into the suit “without alteration.”
The size of Sparty is similarly non-negotiable. Anyone who wants to costume up must be between 5-foot-9 and 6-foot-2.
Without socks.
Western Kentucky is far less concerned with physical attributes, taking a strictly vibes-based approach to the matter. In an FAQ provided to students dreaming of being Big Red, the school notes that there is no height requirement.
“The suit is tried on during the interview portion of tryouts. It is all about what the suit looks like when it is on.”
Delightful.
But making it through the initial selection is only a step toward mascot glory.
Bucky Badgers then face a 15-minute interview with a panel of judges. After their preliminary audition, Shastas apply on the job, doing a “full dress out as the character,” tested during Houston’s baseball and softball games.
The school’s women’s basketball team also gets shafted a bit, as their games are used as a training ground for younger, costumed cubs.
Once they do make it, only one school responded with a copy of an NDA: Michigan State.
As part of the 26-page Sparty Mascot Handbook (April 2024 edition), Spartys can only tell their parents or legal guardians they’ve been selected, are instructed to “not share any part of my experience with print and/or social media, in any way, shape or form,” and “not disclose the location or whereabouts of any part of the Sparty Mascot Program” (which raises the possibility of several Sparty black sites spread across campus).
Wisconsin noted that its Buckys are given a lot more leeway.
“Each Bucky decides how far to take anonymity. Most tell only family members and close friends about their special role as Bucky,” Herb said.
Spartys, when approached, are given strict protocols to ensure no one ever learns that someone actually exists within the suit. Because, according to State doctrine, Sparty is an actual student at Michigan State.
When approached with questions, the Sparty Safety Coordinator, who travels with the mascot to appearances, is given the following set responses to use.
(All caps use theirs. Not mine)
“THERE IS ONLY ONE SPARTY.”
“Sparty is a real person.”
“No one is ‘inside’ Sparty.”
But while no one is inside Sparty, those who are inside Sparty are required to take great pains to hide their roles.
In its regulations on changing into costume, MSU offers lessons in spycraft and evading detection, instructing students to “use all means necessary to maintain secrecy.”
“Take note that if people saw you walk in with the bags, they will know it's you once you are leaving. If this occurs, try to deflect any questions about the suit or your role.”
And, “always maintain that there is only one Sparty and that Sparty is a full-time student at MSU,” an idea that is repeated enough through the handbook to make you wonder if some at the school actually believe it.
As mascots, students at all schools are required to maintain certain standards.
All the agreements have language around behaving properly. Big Reds are ordered to “Act as an adult,” while Spartys are instructed to “be Sparty in suit, be humble out of suit.”
Bucky Badgers must behave themselves on social media, and are told to “Be careful when discussing controversial subjects (i.e. politics and religion).” Big Reds have to hand over all the social media accounts they maintain, including more private channels like personal Snapchats, for monitoring by administrators.
Big Reds are even instructed to remove any pictures already on their accounts that show “alcoholic beverages, tobacco, etc.”
“Please take them down ASAP.”
Mascots at major universities are expected to maintain decent GPAs, though the standards vary. To be Bucky, a C average will suffice, while Houston and WKU require a 2.25 and 2.5, respectively.
And Sparty, ever the exemplar, must stay above a 3.0.
But studying and not posting spliffs is ostensibly doable. Harder yet, most likely, knowing college students, is laundering their costumes. Every mascot guide contains lengthy instructions for care, with the responsibility for washing the bulky suits often falling to those who just wore them.
When washing at home, Shastas are instructed, for the love of god, “DO NOT PUT YOUR COSTUME IN THE DRYER!!! The dryer will ruin mascot fur. Hang inside out to dry.”
Big Red similarly must be air-dried after washing. But while Bucky Badgers are required to clean their suits after every event, the school generously notes that, “Up to $3.00 is reimbursable for laundering.”
It does seem like it would cost more to do that. As for conduct on the field, while mascots are given leeway to act a bit of a fool, Shastas need to know “when to walk away or to push the envelope.”
Sparty is ordered: “do NOT moon the U-M crowd.” Yes, specifically, the official Sparty handbook says he cannot show his ass to the Wolverines
And now … the official Sparty training videos.
