On Thursday night the Los Angeles Dodgers and San Diego Padres, who do not like each other, completed a four-game series in which eight batters were hit by pitches. Even excluding the incidents in the previous three-game series the two teams played earlier this month, that's a lot of hit-by-pitches! Enough, in fact, to rank.
We are innovating in philosophical space here, raising and answering questions such as Is it possible for a hit-by-pitch to be of better quality than another hit by pitch? and If so, what makes a hit-by-pitch good? A hit-by-pitch is most meaningful if it is intentional, because otherwise that's just poor control, and poor control is ass to watch. Though intentionality is difficult to presume, pitches with more movement and pitchers with poor control are naturally discounted. A hit-by-pitch is also most meaningful if it carries more risk of hurting your own team—say, hitting a player who doesn't usually get on base, doing it in a close game or on an advantageous count, or doing it with hitters already on base. That is, the best hit-by-pitches are fueled by enough petty spite that they break out of the constrictive traditional frameworks of "trying to win a baseball game."
Now, this activity of ranking can verge into controversial territory, seeing as deliberately throwing a baseball at someone carries some amount of inherent, legitimate injury risk. Here we use the tactic practiced by various player safety officials across the globe and evaluate based on outcome rather than the action itself: If a player leaves the game due to a hit-by-pitch, it does not qualify as a good hit-by-pitch.
Defector does not condone any of the following listed actions, which are ranked from worst to least-worst.
8. 1-1 four-seam fastball, Fernando Tatís Jr., June 19 (video)
This was the second-to-last HBP of the series, and one of the most consequential: After Tatís was hit in the elbow by a 93-mph fastball from Dodgers relief pitcher Jack Little, Los Angeles manager Dave Roberts got a little frisky with it, and the benches cleared. Teoscar Hernández had a brief, beautiful moment with Padres manager Mike Shildt after the dust had settled, but even that meaningful show of peacemaking is not enough to compensate for the fact that this hit-by-pitch sucks.
The Dodgers selected Little's contract prior to this game, making it his first career MLB appearance. The Padres, who were up 5–0 on the Dodgers in the top of the ninth inning, were already virtually guaranteed to win the game; any intentional hitting-by-pitches would hardly swing the needle. As the coup de grace, Tatís left the game after being hit; a pinch runner took his place to close out the inning. Bad vibes all around, but doesn't Hernández have a lovely smile?
7. 2-0 cutter, Bryce Johnson, June 19 (video)
Another pretty straightforwardly bad-vibes incident. This was the first HBP in the final game of the series, and Johnson, no regular to the Padres roster, left the game after Lou Trivino's 92-mph cutter knocked him in the knee. There is an argument to be made that it was unintentional, which, again, by our philosophical standards makes it worse.
This was actually Trivino's second executed hit-by-pitch in the series, making him the only pitcher over the four games to have a repeat performance. Unfortunately, in comparison to his first, which will come up later in this list, it was shoddy work.
6. 1-1 sinker, Jose Iglesias, June 17 (video)
X-rays were negative for San Diego's Iglesias—of New York Mets "OMG" fame—which is good, because the HBP looked a little gnarly at first blush. While it would be pretty bold to hit someone with a .551 OPS intentionally in the seventh inning with no outs and a strike in the count, even with an 8–3 lead, even the Padres ultimately agreed that the pitch was likely unintentional. (Manny Machado was naturally still not pleased in the immediate aftermath of the hit-by-pitch, as is his wont.)
5. 0-1 four-seam fastball, Andy Pages, June 16 (video)
After Pages got worked up over this pitch from Padres starter Dylan Cease, Schildt was captured in the dugout yelling, "Who the fuck do you think you are?"
4. 1-0 four-seam fastball, Shohei Ohtani, June 17 (video)
This would be more impressive if it were not an intentional HBP, as San Diego's Randy Vásquez goes roughly two feet off the plate in order to plunk Ohtani directly in the thigh with a 94-mph four-seamer. If it were intentional, of which I am making no presumptions, it would be well-executed, generally placed to minimize damage, and done with just one out in the bottom of the third inning in a close game, giving ample time for possible consequences.
Ohtani was fine after the hit-by-pitch. He had a laugh with Luis Arráez on first base, and later posted the photo as a bit on social media. This is good for the Padres, as if he was injured as a result of the incident, Rob Manfred would likely have hired a sniper to take Vásquez out. In the end, though, it was a solid HBP, but due to lack of immediate consequences, just not quite as good as the one Vásquez was allegedly retaliating for:
3. 0-1 sinker, Fernando Tatís Jr., June 17 (video)
Now, if one were to believe that Trivino hitting Johnson was an accident, then there is a possible argument for this 95-mph plunking as well, especially as it did not place the Dodgers in a good position. The hit-by-pitch put Tatís on base, leaving two on and no one out in the top of the third inning. Both runners would go on to score, giving the Padres a 3–2 lead.
Unfortunately for what could have been a pure display of valuing spite over meaningless human conceptions of "winning," the Dodgers went on to win this game, 8-6.
2. 0-0 four-seam fastball, Andy Pages, June 18 (video)
Zero outs, 0-0 count, Max Muncy already on base in the seventh inning in a close 3-1 game. A bit dangerously close to the head, but again, we do not evaluate on action here, but on consequences. Perhaps what Schildt should have said was, "Who do you think you are, I am!"
1. 3-0 four-seam fastball, Shohei Ohtani, June 19 (video)
Ohtani was able to once again show off his aplomb by waving off the Dodgers dugout after taking a 100-mph four-seamer between the shoulders in the bottom of the ninth, shortly after Tatís's earlier plunking. There were two outs on the inning, but it brought the tying run up to bat, and the Dodgers loaded the bases before Yuki Matsui managed the final out of the game.
As much as this is a hit-by-pitch that can be respected on its own terms, I have to confess that there is some bias here. Robert Suárez hit Ohtani with the pitch on a 3-0 count, making this hit-by-pitch a perfect example of a WHIP Save—preventing a walk by hitting a guy—on top of being a (possible) retaliatory action. I've never seen such efficient use of a single pitch in my life. Robert Suárez should enter the baseball Hall of Fame.
