Strap yourself in for this one: There are allegations of cheating at the annual World Conker Championships. It gets worse: The man accused of breaking the rules is King Conker himself. While being searched after the event, a steel conker painted brown was found in King Conker's pocket. I will give you a minute to compose yourself.
For the one or two of you unfamiliar with the sport, conkers is a traditional childhood game in the U.K. Players put a string through a horse chestnut seed and crash their conkers together. The player with the conker that breaks first loses the match and, presumably, their pride for losing at such an important sport. Here’s the entry from the Encyclopedia of Traditional British Sports, right after cock throwing. (I am not looking that one up.) The game was first written about in an 1821 memoir, but it appears other nuts and snail shells were used too.
“Although it has traditionally been a schoolboys’ game, adults (almost invariably male) also play the game,” the encyclopedia notes.
The World Championships have been held since 1965; it raises money for various vision charities. Hundreds attended this year. RTE has more:
Competitors often wear elaborate headwear. This year, one man wore a green inflatable Yoda headpiece, while another wore a conker-themed hat.
At worlds, conkers are randomly pulled from a bag before each round to eliminate the possibility of cheating and make it a pure test of conking skill. But apparently there may be ways around it.
One man, 82-year-old David Jakins, has been competing since 1977. He has earned the nickname King Conker. And this year he finally won the men’s championship! But soon after, the conkers metaphorically hit each other and exploded violently. He was found to have a steel conker in his pocket, and other contestants began chirping. The Telegraph writes:
But when [Jakins] was searched after his victory, where he knocked a number of opponents out with just one hit, the retired engineer was found to have a metal replica concealed in his pocket.
He has denied using it in the tournament, saying he only had it with him “for humour value”.
I mean, who doesn’t see the harmless fun in a steel conker painted brown in your pocket during a competition where that could be an easy and effective way to cheat? Media reports say King Conker shattered his opponents chestnuts in one hit several times, which contestants found sketchy at best.
Alastair Johnson-Ferguson, who lost in the men’s final, said that “my conker disintegrated in one hit, and that just doesn’t happen.” David Glew, a 78-year-old conkers fan, had more to say: “The whole thing is nuts. It stinks, and needs to be properly investigated to save our game from scandal.” Adding to the scandal, King Conker was involved in drilling and lacing the communal conkers before the event. How is the head judge also competing in the tournament?
All worked out in the end, in a way. In the grand final, King Conker lost to women’s champ Kelci Banschbach—the first American to take home the conkers crown. Conk don’t lie.
