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Yankees Honor Least Evil Fan

Henry Kissinger looking like a little goblin while watching a Yankees fan
Screenshot: MLB

The New York Yankees released a statement Thursday to honor ghoulish centenarian Henry Kissinger, who died last night and is now in hell. The team's statement read:

The Yankees are profoundly saddened by the passing of former United States secretary of state Henry Kissinger, who performed varied and vital diplomatic and advisory roles throughout his distinguished career. A lifelong friend of the Yankees organization, he was a frequent welcome guest of the Steinbrenner family at Yankee Stadium. We offer our heartfelt condolences to his family, friends and all who had the privilege of knowing him. He will be missed.

New York Yankees

Kissinger, who served as the secretary of state and a national security adviser under two presidents in the 1960s and 1970s, is best known for the coups, genocides, and dirty wars that he helped engineer in Cambodia, Laos, Bangladesh, East Timor, Argentina, Chile, and other countries. He was responsible for the deaths and suffering of millions, and thus we expect the Yankees to retire his number at a ceremony later this summer.

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