I’m gonna tell you a dirty little secret about the Pittsburgh Steelers: they don’t care about winning another Super Bowl. They have a coach who can win nine games a year with just weeds and garbage, a name-brand pass rusher whose jersey will keep selling long after he’s retired, and a full stadium every home game. That’s Steelers-y enough for the Rooney family. They don’t need anything more than that to be content. And that’s good, because they just lost their other starting quarterback from 2024.
While the New York Giants are putting the finishing touches on their three-headed Herb-erus of a QB room, the Steelers have opted to go in the opposite direction by doing nothing at all. The only QBs they currently have rostered are a pair of nobodies in Mason Rudolph and Skylar Thompson, and their highest pick in the upcoming draft is 21st. If this were any other organization—even the Titans!—there would be a giant red siren flashing over team headquarters, and the franchise’s scouting department would be urgently canvassing the nation to measure the hand size of every would-be quarterback out there. This is the NFL. You need a quarterback to live. I believe Itchy explicitly told Scratchy this once.
But the Steelers have no quarterback right now, and no discernible plan for acquiring one. Let’s look at the handful of options they have left on the table…
Aaron Rodgers. The most accomplished QB left on the market by far is currently out on a nationwide thirst tour that probably features Charlie Sheen as its opening act. Rodgers visited Pittsburgh last week (this calls for a parade!) and, according to SI, the Steelers made Cayenne Rasputin an offer that he’s currently hemming and hawing over while having his pores read. Rodgers is expected to give the team an answer by Sunday. Rodgers was also expected to win games in New York, so treat that deadline with the appropriate level of disdain.
Ryan Tannehill. If you’re in the market for a 2012 Toyota Camry with just 85,000 miles on it—and that’s a Pittsburgh car if I’ve ever seen one—the former Titans QB is still waiting by the phone after spending a year out of the league. According to Ian Rapoport, Tannehill will only “probably” come out of involuntary retirement if he’s offered a starting gig, which would be a humorous demand if the Steelers didn’t have a giant neon VACANCY sign hovering behind their center.
Trey Lance. Remember him? He’s available right now, and at NO cost! Why, you’d be a fool NOT to take advantage!
Joe Flacco. Like Rodgers, he’s old and can’t play anymore. Unlike Rodgers, you won’t want to tear your own nipples off if you have to cheer for him.
Zach Wilson. Oops sorry, I meant Drew Lock. I always get those two mixed up.
Shedeur Sanders. The Giants’ signing of Russell Wilson indicates that New York either knows that the Browns (picking one spot above them in the first round at No. 2) have already decided to draft Deion’s kid, or that they themselves don’t want Sanders if he falls to them. Sanders had a strangely disappointing combine performance, if that means anything to you. It probably shouldn’t, but this comprehensive breakdown of his weaknesses from Nate Tice probably should. There’s a non-zero chance Sanders falls all the way to 21. That’s the good news for the Steelers. The bad news is that he’d fall for the same reasons that every QB from the 2023 draft, Kenny Pickett included, fell. And if you’re like “The Steelers can fix him!” then you aren’t familiar with Mike Tomlin’s track record developing the position.
Jaxson Dart. Someone is gonna draft this guy in the first round, and that’s the exact moment we’ll get the live shot of a confused and angry fan that makes the draft such compelling television. That could be you, Bobby from Pittsburgh! YOU could be the one standing in the crowd with your mouth even more agape than usual! Jaxson Dart. Fucking Disney Channel sitcom character-ass name.
Jalen Milroe. An absolute freak of an athlete who plays QB even though he doesn’t quite know how to. Anthony Richardson II, in other words. You can picture him in a Steelers jersey right now, can’t you? Rod Dowhower is already preparing to come out of retirement to design goal-line packages for him.
Carson Wentz. OK, I think I’ve listed enough options. The fact that I even included Wentz in here tells you how slim the pickings are.
The Steelers had years to prepare for this. They realized that Kenny Pickett was a slob so quickly that they traded him away after just one season on the job. And they knew damn well that they couldn’t rely on either Wilson or new Jet Justin Fields to be their long-term answer at the position after 2024. They could have started laying the groundwork for this offseason the moment they told Pickett to fuck off. But if their current predicament is any indication, they haven’t even bothered to unlock the tool shed door yet.
This sort of roster neglect doesn’t happen by accident. You have to deliberately leave a giant sucking hole where your QB should be, either because you’re cheap, or because winning simply doesn’t matter to you. The post-Roethlisberger Steelers have now emphatically checked off both of those boxes. As soon as they get another running back who averages 3.7 yards per carry into the fold, their current on-field product will be competent enough for them to get by. Knowing that, it doesn’t matter who else Pittsburgh brings in this offseason. If they really wanted that seventh ring, they would have started trying for it a long time ago. Aaron Rodgers is waiting by the phone, Steelers. No sense in being prideful about it.
