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Texans’ Deshaun Watson Jersey Trade-In Is Great News For Brandon Weeden Superfans

during a preseason game at Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum on August 25, 2018 in Los Angeles, California.
Harry How/Getty Images

Because wearing the jersey of a sexual predator is considered passé in some circles, Houston Texans fans have been clamoring for a profitable way to dispose of their Deshaun Watson jerseys. A natural inclination; those things cost good money. (Though I am forced to wonder about the people who have held onto theirs for this long, presumably “just in case” of … what? Let’s not dwell on it.) Those fans can rejoice today, as team owner Cal “Mr. McNair” McNair has kindly extended them a discount.

Yes, it’s a trade-in discount, but what makes it notable is that, for reasons, the Texans can’t or won’t explicitly say this is specifically about exchanging Watson jerseys. Even though it is. Even though they use a photo of a No. 4 jersey, which could technically be former kicker Randy Bullock’s but is definitely Watson’s. Even though the discount is 44 percent. But to extend this fiction, the Texans have also released a list of other jerseys that are eligible to be traded in, very few of which were ever made let alone owned:

Yes, Watson’s fall is the Brandon-Weeden-jersey-haver’s gain. Big-time fans of the oldest first-round draftee in NFL history no doubt stocked up on authentic Weeden Texans jerseys (one to wear; several to keep in mint condition) when he signed with Houston in 2018, and impulse-bought a few more when he came in to take a kneeldown at the end of the first half in Week 8, his first and only snap of the season. When he didn’t catch on with a team the next year, effectively ending his NFL career, that instantly made them collector’s items. After a few years appreciating in value, it’s time for those shrewd consumers to cash in: Every Weeden jersey will now get them not quite half off a Davis Mills jersey!

It’s not just Weeden fans who are in the money this week. Did you get excited about Mark Ingram, only to see him traded midseason? Forty-four percent off. Are you directly related to and did you want to support 2018 seventh-round pick Jermaine Kelly Jr., who never appeared in a single game? Forty-four percent off. Are you OK with feeling vaguely disrespectful for trading in the jersey of Demaryius Thomas, who is dead? Forty-four percent off!

Thank you, Mr. McNair.

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