Two-time Masters champion Bubba Watson dumped the PGA Tour in July 2022 and defected to the upstart Saudi-funded LIV Golf promotion, for a contract that reportedly guaranteed Watson something in the neighborhood of $50 million. It was by no means one of LIV Golf's bigger splurges—Phil Mickelson was reportedly guaranteed $200 million to join the breakaway league, while LIV Golf CEO Greg Norman said Tiger Woods turned down almost a billion dollars in appearance fees, sponsorship cuts, and equity—but for mere mortals, including Watson, who was injured and out of action when LIV came calling, $50 million is certainly nothing to sneeze at.
Watson insists it was not the guaranteed money that lured him away. For one thing, Watson has made pretty clear that he collected plenty of guaranteed money before jumping to LIV Golf, despite PGA Tour prohibitions on appearance fees. "It makes me laugh because on the PGA Tour, I got paid behind closed doors to show up at tournaments, many tournaments," Watson told ESPN back in November. "And if Bubba Watson's not the best, that means the best were getting paid better than me and more than me. And so it's guaranteed money. I miss the cut, I still make money. I make the cut, I make extra money." What distinguishes LIV Golf money, according to Watson, is that the money comes directly from the promotion, and is all above board.
According to Watson, what lured him away from the PGA Tour was how cool and hip and popular LIV Golf's best teams are with the grade-school crowd. "I had surgery, and my son is sitting with me in my bed, and how I signed up with LIV is my 10-year-old son was sitting in the bed with me, and we were watching golf on the TV, and he knew the Aces," said Watson Tuesday, evidently with a perfectly straight face. "Everybody knows the Aces, they keep winning. He knew the Aces, he knew the Stingers."
Listen. Everyone extremely does not know the Aces. I work at a sports website, I have written and published 10 or so blogs about LIV Golf, I have personally attended a LIV Golf event, and I could not have told you before this morning that the Aces even exist. I would have a very hard time believing that even very serious golf fans could name all the LIV Golf teams, let alone tell you which ones are any good. Hell, LIV Golf's own website barely even contains evidence that the Aces and Stingers exist. Click on the Aces' official team page and you won't find a roster or any other basic information. All you'll see is this:
Screenshot: LIV Golf
The promotion has had one complete season, it only now has a cable broadcast deal, and its events do not (for now) count toward the rankings that grant players access to golf's prestigious majors, which are the only events that casual golf fans reliably follow. A 10-year-old who knows anything about any of this should immediately be removed to the care of the state.
Here is where this gets even sillier: Watson says his 10-year-old son knew about the Aces and Stingers and how good they are despite not closely following golf. "He didn't know individual names, he just knew the team names," says Watson. "And for a 10-year-old to never watch the game of golf but now watches it, now I knew that there was a product to be had. LIV has a niche, it has a reason." Literally how would a 10-year-old child who does not follow golf know anything at all about which LIV Golf team is winning a lot? How?
This situation calls for an intervention. Bring to me the 10-year-old son of Bubba Watson, so that I can have a frank and serious discussion with him about his terrible friend group, and then introduce him to video games.
