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Soccer

A Modest Suggestion Regarding The Art Of The Soccer Highlight Reel

Stoke City's English striker Peter Crouch gives instructions to team-mates as he comes on as a substitute during the English Premier League football match between Brighton and Hove Albion and Stoke City at the American Express Community Stadium in Brighton, southern England on November 20, 2017.
Photo: Glyn Kirk/AFP via Getty

Any decently serious and decently online soccer fan has consumed some amount of the sport’s highest form of art: house music–addled, lightly singed highlight reels with titles like “[Player X] ALL SKILLS GOALS ASSISTS 19/20 RISING STAR HD.” Binging them is a hallmark of any half- or even quarter-assed scouting dive into a player’s skills, and a general rule of thumb is that the harder the EDM soundtrack and the less coherent the framing of each clip, the better the viewing experience. Some abhor the sweet Euro house jams throbbing through, say, “Bukayo Saka – Arsenal FC 18 Years Old – World-Class Skills Goals & Assists – 2020” but to me it’s an integral part of the genre.

I do have a couple notes, however, and they concern the rolling out of highlights within each video.

  • The highlight part of the video should start with the player being subbed into a game, preferably coming in and pointing at stuff in a tactical manner.
  • Ideally, the drop hits when the player makes their first touch.

The majority of videos begin with the player celebrating a goal with their teammates. That’s nice, I love to see pals having fun. Through a somewhat exhaustive YouTube search, I have learned that almost everyone—ScoutNation, MKComps2, KHDFootball, etc.—prefers the goal celebration intro. Alternately, “THOMAS PARTEY – Sublime Passes, Skills, Goals – Atlético Madrid & Ghana – 2017/2018” starts with the Atlético Madrid guys walking through the tunnel, which is also cool.

However, nobody is pointing at anything in a tactical manner. I want to see players relay instructions, point at parts of the pitch, and do that little shimmy-jump everyone does before they come in. “TIMOTHY WEAH | Paris Saint-Germain FC | Amazing Goals & Skills 2019 (HD)” executes this to perfection.

“Giovanni Reyna – American Rising Star (2020)” does not feature enough pointing, but other than that it rules. The video also distorts in a really stupid and inexplicable way right as the drop farts in, which is perfect.

So, comp makers: Keep up the good work, and please consider the aforementioned suggestions. Thank you.