The idea behind the government’s Paycheck Protection Program was to lend over $500 billion to businesses at an interest rate of one percent, while additionally allowing loans to be mostly forgiven if those businesses proved they used it to cover payroll or rent. Steve Mnuchin’s Treasury Department initially fought to keep the names of loan recipients private, possibly because among those who accepted the lifeline were numerous billionaires, powerful assholes like David Boies, and the Ayn Rand Institute. The rollout of the program was flawed from the start, as the first-come, first-served structure incentivized huge banks to prioritize their richer clients at the expense of people who more urgently needed the help.
Records released last week by the Small Business Administration show that Tom Brady’s sportswear and supplement company TB12 was approved for a $960,855 loan in April. Per the SBA, TB12’s 2019 payroll was between $1.6 and $4.8 million, which qualified it for the lifeline. “Unlike most businesses,” the SBA’s site reads, “TB12, INC. did not report the number of jobs retained by their receipt of the Paycheck Protection Loan.” If TB12 co-founder and shady guru Alex Guerrero, who’s been sued for fraud twice, needed cash that badly, surely he could have asked Brady, or his buddy’s mega-rich wife, supermodel Gisele Bundchen.
What does a fancy dog on a contract with $50 million guaranteed even do with that much money? Perhaps they purchase a huge, gaudy boat.
The multi-million dollar yacht delievered to Brady last week is named “Viva a Vida” after Bundchen’s charity, contains strong “Be Best” energy, and has the faux-blue metallic sheen of your first $18 electric razor that breaks after three uses. Surely there were better colors than “faulty mechanical pencil.” If TB12’s ownership wasn’t a clear enough clue that they didn’t need the million-dollar loan, that boat certainly is.