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Padres Fail To Beat Pitcher With Diarrhea

German Marquez #48 of the Colorado Rockies leaves the game after allowing three home runs by the San Diego Padres during the seventh inning at Coors Field on August 17, 2021 in Denver, Colorado.
Michael Ciaglo/Getty Images

Colorado Rockies pitcher Germán Márquez deserves credit for pitching Tuesday night’s game while he was under the weather. That description might not do it justice, though. For a more accurate forecast, let’s turn to his manager, Bud Black:

(To hear Thomas Harding’s tweet spoken in an old-timey news radio voice, in an attempt to fulfill a request by David Roth, click here.)

Maybe that was too much information for an injury report, and Black could have gestured at his stomach or something to make the same point. Then again, it did result in a beat writer publishing the phrase “diarrhea to be exact.” Always good to be exact.

Taken from another angle, however, this feat is incredibly embarrassing for the opposing team. The San Diego Padres couldn’t muster any runs over the first six innings against a Rockies right-hander with plenty of runs. Márquez was eventually chased from the game in the seventh inning after he allowed back-to-back-to-back homers, but his team still led when he departed, and in the bottom of the seventh, the Rockies padded their margin to 7-3, which eventually became the final score.

The Padres are streaky right now. They’ve lost six of their last nine games, and they’re scuffling against some of the worst teams in the National League. The return of Tatito will surely help, but it’s still a bit humiliating to be no-hit by a pitcher in his first career start, especially when he plays for the lowly Diamondbacks. Márquez also had to wear white pants, putting him one erroneous movement away from disaster, and on top of that, his boss told the public that he had diarrhea. And yet, he finished last night’s game with more dignity than the Padres.