The first few weeks of the NBA season are a time for optimism and hope: for the home team to really knock ’em dead this year, for the Boston Celtics to humiliate themselves and infuriate their horrible fans, and most especially for the fun young punks who represent the bright future of your favorite team and the league and the sport. Exciting, springy youths, blossoming into stars before your very eyes! These are your LaMelo Balls, your Ja Morants, etc. They are not the following bozos, who stink:
Marvin Bagley III
Wendell Carter Jr.
Kira Lewis Jr.
Troy Brown Jr.
Please immediately discontinue all excited or enthusiastic feelings about and/or toward these scrubs, who are ass and belong in the dump. Thank you.
*Defector Detroit Pistons Sicko Maitreyi Anantharaman negotiated an asterisk for Killian Hayes, despite his breathtakingly atrocious statistical profile, on the reasonable argument that he has played only 34 career games. As she is the only member of the Defector staff who would watch the Pistons voluntarily, the Butt List must defer to her belief that he may someday be not-awful.