Skip to contents
NBA

Here Are Some Young NBA Players Who Are Butt

Payton Pritchard, Boston Celtics
Carmen Mandato/Getty Images

The first few weeks of the NBA season are a time for optimism and hope: for the home team to really knock ’em dead this year, for the Boston Celtics to humiliate themselves and infuriate their horrible fans, and most especially for the fun young punks who represent the bright future of your favorite team and the league and the sport. Exciting, springy youths, blossoming into stars before your very eyes! These are your LaMelo Balls, your Ja Morants, etc. They are not the following bozos, who stink:

Jarrett Culver
Coby White
Marvin Bagley III
Goga Bitadze
Payton Pritchard
Wendell Carter Jr.
Josh Green
Kevin Knox
Aleksej Pokusevski
Jerome Robinson
Zhaire Smith
Aaron Nesmith
Jalen Smith
Lonnie Walker
Dylan Windler
Grant Williams
Josh Okogie
Grayson Allen
Chandler Hutchison
Aaron Holiday
Kira Lewis Jr.
Moritz Wagner
Brandon Clarke
Killian Hayes*
Troy Brown Jr.
Darius Bazley
Zeke Nnaji
Luka Samanic
Sekou Doumbouya
Ty Jerome
Nickeil Alexander-Walker
Romeo Langford

Please immediately discontinue all excited or enthusiastic feelings about and/or toward these scrubs, who are ass and belong in the dump. Thank you.

*Defector Detroit Pistons Sicko Maitreyi Anantharaman negotiated an asterisk for Killian Hayes, despite his breathtakingly atrocious statistical profile, on the reasonable argument that he has played only 34 career games. As she is the only member of the Defector staff who would watch the Pistons voluntarily, the Butt List must defer to her belief that he may someday be not-awful.