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College Basketball

Just Try To Leave Josh Pastner A Voicemail Without Him Coaching The Heck Out Of You

Photo by Jared C. Tilton/Getty Images

Georgia Tech men’s basketball coach Josh Pastner has unknowingly invented an advanced tactic to prevent anyone from leaving him a pesky voicemail. During last night’s ACC championship game, which his team went on to win, ESPN aired Pastner’s 55-second-long voicemail message, an inspirational, cliche-loaded spiel that proves there is a certain type of coach that really just can’t help themselves. Any platform, including the mostly obsolete voicemail, is a chance to get the best out of their guys! Carpe Diem! 

Pastner goes on for six carefully enunciated sentences before he arrives at the only necessary information: Leave a message and I’ll call you back. 

Hello, this is Josh Pastner. 
Life is short.
We spend so much time sweating the small stuff. 
Worrying, wishing, wanting, waiting for something bigger instead of focusing on the simple blessings that surround us everyday. 
Life is so fragile and it takes a single moment to change everything you take for granted.
Focus on what’s important and be grateful.
Live your life with no regrets. 
I am not in right now but if you leave your name and telephone number clearly, I will get back to you as soon as I can. 
Have a great day, a positive day, and a day filled with gratitude. 

By my count, that’s at least five different cliches packed into a minute. How many unsuspecting delivery people have had to sit through that endless stream of coachspeak just to let Pastner know they are at the front door with his takeout?

Pastner’s voicemail defense is certainly an unintended strategy, because this Ted Lasso-like earnest joy is his default personality. He is definitely the type of guy to call you back and leave a five-minute long voicemail just checking in. In his postgame interview, he thanked what felt like every member of the ESPN broadcast crew all while waving wildly at the camera. “Thumbs up!” he yelled. 

And yet, ESPN announcer Jay Bilas raised an interesting question after Pastner’s entire voicemail message was played on air: “If life is so short, why is your message so long?” Surely Pastner has an answer for this question at the ready, and it likely involves the phrase “attack the day.”