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NFL

Jaguars Junction: Week 10

Trevor Lawrence
David Eulitt/Getty Images

Here’s the problem: long-hair quarterbacks are no good. I could have told you this from day one. 

Can you think of any good long-hair quarterbacks? Only other one I can remember is that tall guy from San Diego State who was Mark McGwire’s brother. He wasn’t exactly burning up the world with the SEATTLE SEAHAWKS back in the day. Eventually they ran him out of the NFL. This is a “show me” league: Show me the skills, or pack up your valise and here’s a train ticket back to Santa Cruz. Try surfing—that might be more your speed, Mr. Longhair. 

And what happened to that man? “After retiring from football, McGwire moved to Reno, Nevada, and worked as an insurance agent and lighting company executive.” Now, there’s nothing wrong with that. We all need lighting, and if you don’t have insurance, you’re a fool. Spent any time on an interstate highway lately? There’s unsafe drivers, and the cars and trucks they’re driving are bigger than ever. That adds up to more risk for you, no matter how safely you drive. You can control what you do, but not the man in the next lane. And if you’re driving a regular-sized car and he’s driving an SUV, I’m afraid physics aren’t in your favor. If all you have to worry about after that is fixing up your car—not your broken body—consider yourself lucky. Try to put yourself in that moment, and you won’t be laughing any more at a man who chooses to sell insurance for a living. It’s a perfectly legitimate thing to do. If I was being cheeky I would make the case that selling insurance has more value to society than playing football does. But we’re right in the middle of football season, and passions can run high among fans. Better to save that particular conversation for another day. I just put it on my calendar for next June—meet me back here and we’ll have a frank talk.

Long-hair quarterback = shit. 


“Jaguars Junction” is an independent source of football analysis unaffiliated with any professional sports franchise.