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Chris Thompson

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chris.thompson@defector.com

@MadBastardsAll

What Is This NBA Play-In Tournament? What Is It? Will Someone Please Tell Me What It Is?

The Celtics and Pacers play basketball, poorly.

Udonis Haslem Surfaced Just Long Enough To Give Dwight Howard The Business And Not A Minute Longer

Udonis Haslem gets into it with Dwight Howard of the 76ers.

Cole Beasley, Moron, Ponders The Futility Of It All

Cole Beasley looks super intense and tough.

Do Not Fear To Behold The Majestic Lake Creature

A lake creature bobs to the surface of the lake at Quail Hollow Golf Course.

Confirmed: NBA Games To Take Place Somewhere Along The Spacetime Continuum

Shams Charania gestures during an interview.

Kent Bazemore, Under The Influence Of Buttered Joe, Vibrates His Way Into Trouble

Kent Bazemore experiences a caffeine high.

Today’s Cocktail Is The Guy About Town

A cocktail that I made.

Could This Farting Bug With “Senator” In Its Scientific Name Release Me From This Waking Nightmare? An Investigation

A lovely little Green Jewel Bug.

The Unstoppable, Charming, Incredibly Telegenic Wizards Are Truly Basketball’s Feel-Good Story, No Matter What The Haters And Losers Say

Russell Westbrook, Ish Smith, and Bradley Beal celebrate during the Wizards' win over the Lakers.

Vlad Jr. Did Some Primo Smashing

Vlad Jr. waves to fans after his team beat the hell out of the Washington Nationals.

Let’s Rate The Dismal Beef Of Right-Wing Internet Psychos Trying To Own Imaginary Libs

This Is So Stupid

A really frightening cut of meat.

Heartbreaking: Most Annoying Person In Baseball Makes Great Point

Trevor Bauer lies on the mound, tragically un-owned.

I Love Disney World But Rampaging Animatronic Kill-Bots Are Ruining The Experience

This Is So Stupid

The Groot animatronic depicted with lasers for eyes and belching fire.

Deni Avdija’s Brutally Frustrating Season Comes To A Brutal End

Wizards rookie Deni Avdija lies injured on the court.

Please Join Me For A Chuckle At This Grayson Allen Blooper

Grayson Allen processes failure.

This Shrieking Hornets Broadcaster Must Knock It Off, Immediately

Hornets play-by-play guy Eric Collins.

Grown Man Spitting Mad That Youth’s Autograph Not Cool Enough

Media Meltdowns

Could A Jeep-Mounted Zion Williamson Roundhouse-Kick My Head Off? An Investigation

A doodle of Zion Williamson kicking my head off from the hood of a speeding Jeep.

A Cryptocurrency Expert Introduces Me To The Dystopian Nightmare Of Art As A Financial Instrument

Artwork worth one trillion dollars.

Let’s Make Our Own Damn Bitters And Remember The Great Happy Hours Of The Before Times

Jars containing the various components of the finished bitters.

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