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Journalismism

What Time Does “What Time Does The Super Bowl Start?” Start?

A workman removing the clocks at the close of the British Empire Exhibition held at Wembley in London, England in 1924. (Photo by Henry Miller News Picture Service/FPG/Getty Images)
FPG/Getty Images

What is time, really, but a construct, a socially realized fiction created by feeble human minds in order to try and mostly fail to wrangle chaotic existence into a manageable one, dividing the indivisible into something that can be understood and thus theoretically tamed, allowing us to advance in what we think is an orderly manner through life? I don’t know, that’s kind of a nonsense question, but speaking of time, here’s a better question: What time does the Super Bowl start?

Now we’re getting somewhere, though if you would like to know the time that the Bengals and Rams will take the field in Los Angeles, may I suggest you search “superbowl what time dose it start” or something, a query that would probably lead you to one of the following blog posts. The Huffington Post engineered huge numbers a whole decade ago misspelling this question, and as an increasing amount of web-based publications have had to attach themselves, remora-like, to the underbelly of Google to scrape out an existence, they have also turned to the time-honored tactic of attempting to corral large groups of people who simply want to watch some football and wish to know when said football will begin. Google itself now publishes the start time right there at the top of any search, though that has not stopped the race for search traffic.

What follows is, as usual, a tallying of what time the following articles, themselves about what time the big game kicks off, were published. I can’t believe I’ve been doing this for six years now. Ironically enough, a few of the previous entries in my annual series pulled in monster search traffic, proving there is no such thing as an idea that’s too stupid. Well, that’s not entirely true. Anyway, all times Eastern:

(Some repeat entries appear to be the same article, but posted twice with a new timestamp. Some publications, CBS Sports in particular, will update old blogs with new timestamps so as to keep them at the top of the search results. When possible, I have used cached web pages to try and lay this out. The best example of what I am talking about here is whatever the hell happened on Wednesday morning at CBS. Also, because I know you will ask because you ask every year, as you should, the answer to “What time does ‘What time does “What time does the Super Bowl start?” start?’ start?” is February 6, 2022, 1:14 p.m.)