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Trevor Bauer, In More And Somehow Even Dumber Words: All Lives Matter

KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI - JULY 02: Starting pitcher Trevor Bauer #47 of the Cleveland Indians watches from the dugout after leaving the game during the 7th inning of the game against the Kansas City Royals at Kauffman Stadium on July 02, 2019 in Kansas City, Missouri. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)
Jamie Squire/Getty Images

At his introductory press conference, new Dodgers pitcher Trevor Bauer was asked, understandably and expectedly, about whether he might possibly chill the fuck out on Twitter—give a rest to attacking random users with 36 followers, that sort of thing. He declined to answer that question, stating, “I don’t think this is the forum to go into specifics on how that will happen. I think it’s a very nuanced issue.”

One could debate the nuances of siccing one’s followers on anyone who tweets something mean about them, and the extent to which it’s a nuanced subject at all. Once could also debate what exactly Bauer has internalized when he admitted, “I’ve made mistakes in the past.” One could especially, vehemently debate it after Bauer hopped on the tweeting machine this afternoon:

Hmm, now where have I heard that sentiment before, if in a shorter, snappier phrase, and from which of our nation’s most reprehensible people?

Bauer’s history with this stuff is well-documented. He goes after women, he’s tweeted racist stuff, transphobic stuff, he sure seems to have a real problem with immigration (Trevor would tell you he only has a problem with illegal immigration, though consider that he would apparently count Barack Obama as one of those immigrants); so it’s not particularly wild that Los Angeles, of all cities, would be home to some folks who aren’t really keen on rooting for him. Bauer can’t accept that some people might not like him, though; he can’t really ever accept anything without tweeting three dozen times about it.

To be clear, the correct number of times to tweet about this particular thread, unless he came offering apologies and promises to stop being so himself, was zero. It’s currently past one and rising.

Not the point, but it’s not really a subtweet if he @ed you.

Bauer has been on one since signing his contract, posting constantly—almost as if he had restrained himself during free agency and it was eating him alive inside—and engaging in a tiresome, humorless attempt to go after Noah Syndergaard for some actual good-natured trolling—you know, what Bauer imagines himself to be doing. And now this. While the nuances might be lost on a simpleton like me, one thing is perfectly clear: Trevor Bauer really just can’t help himself.