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The Hater’s Guide To The 2022 Fantasy Football Season, With Andy Behrens

FOXBOROUGH, MASSACHUSETTS - AUGUST 11: Saquon Barkley #26 of the New York Giants makes a run during the preseason game between the New York Giants and the New England Patriots at Gillette Stadium on August 11, 2022 in Foxborough, Massachusetts. (Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images)
Maddie Meyer/Getty Images

There is a trajectory to every fantasy football season, and you’re in the best part of that trajectory right now, as we speak. Before you draft a team, and before you talk yourself into that team being flawless, and before that team eats curb on its way to a last-place finish in your Delta Upsilon Alum league, there is the anticipation. There is arguing with your friends over a proper draft time (“10 p.m. on a Tuesday night? Fuck you, Marty!”). There is your growing horniness for drafting Isiah Pacheco before anyone else does. There is poring over newsstand fantasy guides published in May that are already out of date. There is brainstorming tasteless puns for your team name (Build Back Boner? That’s gold!). And there is the growing dread that you might, somehow, end up stuck with Saquon Barkley.

All of this buildup to fantasy season is, inarguably more fun than fantasy itself, and THAT is the subject of this week’s Distraction. That’s right: it’s time, once again, for a Hater’s Guide to the Fantasy Football season.

Now, before you go muttering “Christ, Article A Podcast” at me, keep in mind that this week’s episode features the vocal stylings of Yahoo’s Andy Behrens, who has now appeared on this show more often than Tom Hanks has hosted Saturday Night Live. While Roth is out this week (I killed him for the insurance money), Behrens dutifully fills his spot to highlight rookie sleepers, defend inevitable duds like Christian McCaffrey, and talk about how the advent of daily fantasy has changed his life as a Professional Fantasy Knower. Listen to us prattle on about the likes of George Pickens and you WILL win your league. I guarantee it. If you don’t win your league thanks to Andy and me, well then you owe us $50. It’s the only fair solution.

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