The natural instinct for the sports fan, upon hearing news of an injury to one of their team’s players, is to hope it’s not as bad as it sounds. This does not apply to fans of the New York Mets. This is not because Mets fans are especially pessimistic, but rather because they are rational: They recognize patterns. And one constant for Mets injuries over the past many years is that it’s always worse than it sounds. Bad news always gets worse. Injuries are misdiagnosed or mistreated or simply misreported. A pull becomes a strain becomes a tear becomes a full ligament replacement. A 10-day IL stint becomes a lost season. This is just how things work for the Mets.
So you will forgive Mets fans for panicking upon being told not to panic about injured ace Max Scherzer. Scherzer, rehabbing an oblique strain suffered in mid-May that is expected to keep him out until late June, was reportedly bitten by a dog, but it’s OK! Reports said it was his non-throwing hand!
Ah, about that.
But it’s still OK! He only missed one day of throwing! His rehab is still right on track! No Mets fan believes this. Fool them once, shame on you; fool them 67 times, etc.
With that in mind, here are some future possible Scherzer headlines. You are not limited to picking one of these.
- Actually, the dog bit Scherzer’s hand clean off.
- Actually, the dog bit Scherzer’s UCL.
- Ah man, the dog’s running around with Scherzer’s UCL in its mouth and the Mets are all trying to get her to drop it but she thinks this is a fun game and keeps running away from them.
- Oh god, they offered her a treat to get her to drop Scherzer’s UCL and she dropped it right in the mud and now there’s ants all over it.
- Actually, Scherzer was mauled by a pack of African Wild Dogs.
- Mets doctors prescribed a course of “rub some dirt on it” and infection set in.
- Scherzer has rabies now.
- Scherzer has monkeypox now (unrelated to dog bite).
- Scherzer slipped in dog doo and landed on his shoulder and will be shut down indefinitely.
- Scherzer struck by meteorite.
- Scherzer bitten by second dog.
- Scherzer bitten by cat.
- Scherzer bitten by turtle.
- Scherzer bitten by Brandon Nimmo.
- Rotator cuff tear.
- Jacob deGrom also bitten by dog.
A speedy recovery to Max Scherzer!