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Politics

Matt Birk Eats Shit Then Compares Himself To Jesus

Matt Birk exiting porta potty looking upset

On election night, many right-wing politicians across the country had their dreams of riding a “red wave” into office handily dashed by voters. One such loser was Matt Birk, former Super Bowl–winning center turned standard GOP creep, who, along with Minnesota gubernatorial candidate Scott Jensen, got shellacked by the Democratic incumbents. Governor Tim Walz and Lt. Governor Peggy Flanagan earned 52 percent of the vote, compared to Jensen and Birk’s 44 percent.

When we last checked in on Birk, he was on the campaign trail, spouting off about how the United States promotes abortion by “telling women they should have careers,” comparing abortion to slavery, and saying pro-abortion activists “always want to go to the rape card.” On Tuesday night, he was clambering onto a stage in a mostly empty room that had been decorated for a victory celebration, to deliver a concession speech.

“If we lost because of abortion, an issue that was not on the ballot,” Birk said. “If we lost because I’m pro-life, because I believe every life has dignity, I’m OK with that.”

I’m OK with that, too!

But on Friday, Birk appears to still be coming to terms with the loss.

Three days after his electoral defeat, Jesus had already launched his comeback. Three days after election day, Matt Birk remains a loser.