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Defector Up All Night

Hiccup President Is Now Doo-Doo President

Image via Jair Bolsonaro

If you spent any time online today, it is very likely that you were confronted with one of the more incredible phrases ever produced by the English language: “Bolsonaro in hospital as hiccups persist for more than 10 days.”

That headline of course referred to Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro, an evil person who is constantly being photographed inside the hospital and has, apparently, been hiccuping for 10 days. But wait, there’s more to this story: According to updates that came across the wires this afternoon, Bolsonaro is not simply suffering from a bout of unstoppable hiccups, but from the effects of having a body that is absolutely stuffed with rancid doo-doo:

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