A truth you eventually learn after decades of watching sports is that the most important thing is the ass. A pitcher's velocity? Comes from the ass. A soccer player's ability to turn and rebalance and absorb tackles in tight spaces? All blessings from the ass. A basketball player finding a way to box out and create space in the post? You have the ass to thank for that, my friend.
And yet, in the context of sports, the humble ass is rarely talked about in the same breathless terms as the bicep, the quadricep, or the pectoral. This is not right. The ass makes the games we love to watch possible, and we should spend more time thanking it for its service to athletics. Well, I have good news for you: A's catcher Sean Murphy yesterday provided us with a golden opportunity to stand up on our chairs and salute the mighty ass.
Mamma mia, look at that ass. Thank you for all you do for us, ass!
