Spurs are on to the quarterfinals of the EFL Cup after a close win over Chelsea, who are winless in their last three against Premier League competition as they attempt to fill the chasm left by Christian Pulisic’s little injury. The Blues held the lead for most of the game after Timo Werner scored early, but they were undone in the 83rd minute by Erik Lamela and a heartbreaking 5-4 penalty shootout loss.
The turning point? Spurs defender Eric Dier dramatically abandoned the pitch for almost two minutes to either crap or piss. His manager Jose Mourinho, who’d spent the game jabbering with ex-player Frank Lampard, immediately chased after him and harried him onto the pitch.
There’s no better way to fire up your squad than having a run to the loo. Want to show the other 10 players on the pitch that it’s time to show out? Sprint to the toilet. Thinking of a way to show the world that no Pulisic means no win? Get your body right for the final minutes. Only six minutes after Dier’s triumphant return, Erik Lamela scored. Dier nailed his penalty kick after extra time and showed us all the power of emptying your bladder or butt when you really need to.
Mourinho praised Dier after the game, (sort of) explaining, “He had to go! No other chance, he had to go.”
Congrats to Spurs, especially the Man of the Match, This Toilet.