Yesterday morning, Thomas Chatterton Williams—a writer best known for being an appreciator of Emily Ratajkowski’s boobs and writing a book in which he blamed slapping his high school girlfriend on the poisonous influence of rap music—alerted his 101,000 Twitter followers to a grave injustice.
Though Twitter has yet to respond to Chatterton Williams’s plea, we here at Defector believe there is no time to waste when an important decision such as this hangs in the balance. After careful consideration of his application, the Defector Verification Committee has decided to verify the Twitter account of Thomas Chatterton Williams. This means that all ensuing tweets from Mr. Chatterton Williams are officially Defector-verified. It was a difficult decision, but given the tenor of his application, which you can see in full below, we decided that he is indeed an important fella who does important tweets, which deserve to be recognized as such.
The committee was divided on whether to verify Chatterton Williams based on the merits of his application alone, but the below reference from a magazine in which he once signed his name to a little cry-baby letter complaining about censorship left no doubt in our minds: Thomas Chatterton Williams must not be denied the Defector verification.
This morning, Chatterton Williams, who is definitely Not Mad, appeared to spurn the verification for which he had applied. However, the Defector verification committee had already made its ruling, which is final.