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Media Meltdowns

Bob! Bob. Hey Bob. Bob, C’mon. Bob? UPDATE: BOB!!!

KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI - AUGUST 19: Starting pitcher Trevor Bauer #27 of the Cincinnati Reds pitches during the first inning of game two of a doubleheader against the Kansas City Royals at Kauffman Stadium on August 19, 2020 in Kansas City, Missouri. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)
Jamie Squire/Getty Images

The biggest, meatiest portion of stew remaining on baseball’s hot stove is Trevor Bauer. The 30-year-old righty starter on Thursday reportedly narrowed his suitors down to two—the Los Angeles Dodgers and the New York Mets—with a final decision due any time now. It’ll presumably be a nice little scoop for whichever reporter gets the news, at least for a few seconds before everyone else has it.

Enter Bob Nightengale. The longtime USA Today reporter has a knack and a habit for tweeting scoops that prove wrong, or tweeting scoops literal days before anyone else has it, or tweeting copious and inexplicable typos. Usually two of three.

Thursday evening, Nightengale was in fine form.

Well, that’s the end of that offseason saga. Now to wait on the details of the contract—

Do-hoh-hoh! Do we have a case of classic Bob here? Or just Bob getting the news well ahead of everyone else?

Surely Bob will clear this up.

OK, that’s another little scoop. But what about Bau—

Hey, that’s great Bob, I don’t care.

Bob, can we go back to Trevor Bauer? Is he signing with the Mets or not? Is this the sort of thing where a it’s basically done, just not officially announceable? Or is there a snag in negotiations? Have the Dodgers swooped in with a new offer? ….Bob?

Bob, I promise you no one cares about Dexter Fowler going to the Angels. It’s a salary dump, it’s not that interesting. Isn’t there a much bigger transaction you could be following up on?

Bob.

Bob.

Bob?

…Actually, that’s kind of interesting the Cards are eating so much salary. But, still, Bob!

I know you can see your replies, Bob. Everyone is pleading with you to give an update on the Bauer thing.

The picture that emerged by the end of the night, thanks to tweets from other reporters, is that the Mets’ offer is the juiciest but Bauer is giving the Dodgers one last chance to counter. I’d sure love some insider insight on discussions in those two front offices! Are the Dodgers considering beating the Mets’ offer? Are the Mets willing to go higher?

Those were the entirety of Bob’s tweets last night.

Update:

Oh, Bob….