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Bill Belichick Isn’t That Stupid

Bill Belichick
Photo by Billie Weiss/Getty Images

You may have seen a report over the weekend about how Donald Trump was planning to award the Presidential Medal of Freedom to New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick, who previously helped Trump get elected president. The idea that was almost certainly hatched in a sweaty panic while Trump and his staff tried to come up with ways to get some good press in the aftermath of the president sending a violent mob to storm the Capitol. It’s a stupid idea, of course, and it’s not happening, anyway.

That’s because yesterday Belichick released a statement, one so carefully worded so as to be almost impossible to understand, indicating that he will not be traveling to the White House to let a guy who just incited a race riot put a medal around his neck.

Before allowing yourself to feel any kind of warmth towards Belichick for being canny enough to avoid an all-time bad look, just remember that he was fine being chummy with Trump over the previous four years. So he can still get fucked, just like everyone else in Trump’s orbit who is now trying to distance themselves from him when his presidency is 99.9 percent complete.

But! There is something to feel good about here, and that is how much this must be eating at Trump personally. The only thing this guy ever wanted from the presidency, aside from the opportunity to personally enrich himself through a half-dozen different forms of blatant corruption, was the shine that came with it. It’s no wonder that out of all the shit that fell on him this past week, the thing that reportedly bothered him the most was getting dropped by the PGA.

So imagine how much it must hurt him to know that Belichick—Bill, what a coach, right? Now there’s a guy who knows how to win, right folks? He wrote me a letter, you know? A very nice letter. Very nice. Maybe Bill should be one of my generals. How about that? Wouldn’t that be something—doesn’t want to be in the same room as him anymore. I hope he cries about it on the toilet.